this needs no explanation.

rubbermcshenis: i heard I missed a lot of penis last night. (last night?)
waxon0waxoff: oh man. there were uncircumsized, circumsized, flacid, erect, even one that looked like a dragon
rubbermcshenis: A PENIS THAT LOOKED LIKE A DRAGON?!
rubbermcshenis: That's my dream.
rubbermcshenis: Literally.
rubbermcshenis: I've always wanted a phallis that can breath fire.
rubbermcshenis: Just on cue, though. I don't want accidental flame eruptions
waxon0waxoff: you've never seen the dragon penis!?!?!?!?!?
rubbermcshenis: NOOOOO
waxon0waxoff: hold on. i'm getting you a link.
rubbermcshenis: sometimes I really wonder what's in my history.
waxon0waxoff: *link*
waxon0waxoff: i really should clean mine out before i turn in my computer
rubbermcshenis: holy hell! I did not expect that!
waxon0waxoff: what did you expect?
rubbermcshenis: Not that.
rubbermcshenis: It seems so awkward that I'm looking at dragon penises while listening to "You are my sunshine" by Johnny Cash.
waxon0waxoff: hahahaha
waxon0waxoff: johnny cash and a serpetine phallis. go great together in my book.
rubbermcshenis: I don't want to know what the rest of your book consists of.
rubbermcshenis: It'll be like Julie Andrews and clitoral mutilation.
waxon0waxoff: funny you should bring that up
rubbermcshenis: that's never a sentence you want to hear after "clitoral mutilation"
waxon0waxoff: we were talking about clitoral mutilaiton last night. after we discussed the proper pronunciation of clitoris
rubbermcshenis: sometimes I wonder about you people.
waxon0waxoff: the germans?
rubbermcshenis: that, or the jews. or the clitoral mutilation children.
rubbermcshenis: which, by the way, was the name of my first suicide cult
rubbermcshenis: it didn't go over so well.
waxon0waxoff: i imagine it wouldn't.
waxon0waxoff: my first cult is going to be the Leibowists
rubbermcshenis: good name. are you going to wear berets?
waxon0waxoff: no, we're going to wear tan velour jumpsuits, brand new blue chucks, and those groucho marx big glasses/fuzzy mustache disguises
waxon0waxoff: i've thought this out
rubbermcshenis: you're going to look like garbage men who love mustaches.
rubbermcshenis: I dont know if thats what youre going for.
rubbermcshenis: but it sounds fantasmic.
waxon0waxoff: it's mostly just the fact that if we're all wearing groucho glasses, we really can't judge one another.
waxon0waxoff: plus i just really like the feeling of velour against flesh
waxon0waxoff: did i mention that underwear is prohibited?
rubbermcshenis: no you did not. but thats an excellent rule.
rubbermcshenis: except for the old people
rubbermcshenis: youll have to replace the jumpsuits often
waxon0waxoff: there will be no old people
waxon0waxoff: this ain't cocoon
rubbermcshenis: well good. that solves the entire problem of urinary issues.
rubbermcshenis: by the way, I feel doubly cool for being in your profile again.
waxon0waxoff: hahaha
waxon0waxoff: you own that bitch
rubbermcshenis: but Ive noticed a trend.
rubbermcshenis: everyone else says something nice and funny about you
rubbermcshenis: and I talk some random shit about sauces and shenanigans.
waxon0waxoff: being called evil doesn't fall in my "nice" classifications
waxon0waxoff: i think that embodies my personality more than evil
rubbermcshenis: let me rephrase. nice now means accurate.
waxon0waxoff: hahahahahahaha
waxon0waxoff: i just like that in the last week i've been called:
waxon0waxoff: dangerous, evil, a rebel, neato, depressing, a ray of sunshine, mitch headberg reincarnated with big tits, and a wench.
rubbermcshenis: I can see Mitch with big tits.
waxon0waxoff: i think it was the hair and glasses at the time
rubbermcshenis: and I like how a ray of sunshine is right after depressing.
waxon0waxoff: yah, those came from the same person, too
rubbermcshenis: I would come up with a nickname that accurately represents what I think of you but I can't combine "egomaniacal," "mountain-top stainer with semen," and "funky" into one word.
waxon0waxoff: Ego Spunky
rubbermcshenis: I was going to say egosperm fun! but that just sounds like a kid's game gone wrong
waxon0waxoff: milton bridle, milton bradley's sex crazed cousin came up with it
rubbermcshenis: damn, why didn't I get to sleep with the cool cousin? All Bradley wanted to do was play with his dog and refused to say anything other than "Sorry!" in the sack.
waxon0waxoff: i don't know. unless you're into role-playing, leather straps, and being asked to "whinny like you mean it," bridle probably isn't for you either. you'd be better of with uncle morty bradley. he's just now getting around to 1973's number 1 best seller, The Joy Of Sex Without Plastic Game Pieces.
rubbermcshenis: Hey, Morty Bradley sounds like the type of man I'd meet in a bar otuside of a paper mill where everything smells like body odor and beer nuts are considered a delicacy. I think I'll go with the role-playing. I've always wanted to be a transsexual princess leia.
waxon0waxoff: it just doesn't help that Bridle really does look like Jabba the Hut. but hey, i guess that works for some people.
rubbermcshenis: It works for me for damn sure. Who wouldn't love a giant growling piece of crap?
rubbermcshenis: Hey, sounds like my second husband!
rubbermcshenis: that joke would work better if I had a second husband.
rubbermcshenis: or a first.
waxon0waxoff: just switch out husband for boyfriend. or lover. or sugar daddy.
rubbermcshenis: sugar daddy is the only one out of the list of suggestions that works.
rubbermcshenis: they are easier to come by and easier to lose.
rubbermcshenis: meaning, of course, death.
rubbermcshenis: by aids.
waxon0waxoff: at least that's what you tell the coroner when he asks where all the lesions came from. i think that poisonous leeches would give away your master plan of the perfect murder.
rubbermcshenis: dude, leeches are not my forte. I'd be afraid to touch one of them. They'd find my blood much sweeter than that of a pimp and eat me instead. and I'd never get to see george bush be impeached.
waxon0waxoff: then your best plan for sugar daddy homocide is probably iocane powder in his nightly glenn livit. colorless and odorless, no man can survive it. not even one with more track marks than courtney love.
rubbermcshenis: dude, how do we even have these conversations?
waxon0waxoff: i was just asking myself that.
rubbermcshenis: sometimes I wonder about how many brain cells we are losing by thinking of ways to kill sugar daddies. then I think of how many brain cells I lose by drinking and it doesn't seem so bad.
waxon0waxoff: i think of these conversations as a way of stimulating my brain cells after a week of high-intensity jack daniels fitness camp. what doesn't kill em just makes them stronger.
rubbermcshenis: or warps them into some unrecognizable brain cell that thinks its name is Bartholomew and calls its mother "madre"
waxon0waxoff: i think mine are past Bartholomew-Madre relationships. we're into Rahoul-Crazy Aunt Ida territory.
rubbermcshenis: oh fuck. you've got an edge on me. And I thought it was bad that mine are listening to hair bands while watching "Say Anything" over and over again.
waxon0waxoff: don't diss lloyd dobler, man. it takes guts to tell john mahoney he has a stellar juke box, then deliver a letter from his daughter, saying she doesn't love him anymore because his idea of providing for her involved tax fraud and geriatric thievery.
rubbermcshenis: "I gave you my heart and you gave me a pen."
rubbermcshenis: It's my motto to live by.
rubbermcshenis: Or, break up with someone by.
waxon0waxoff: "the rain on my car is a baptism. the new me. Ice Man. Power Lloyd. my assault on the world begins now."
waxon0waxoff: that's MY motto.
rubbermcshenis: I like mine better. it involves pens. and...dammit YOU WIN! okay? are you happy now? you beat me with say anything quotes!
waxon0waxoff: i could beat john cusack with say anything quotes.
waxon0waxoff: i could also beat him with a baseball bat, but quotes just scream "poetic justice" a little bit more.
rubbermcshenis: when did assualt with an object used primarily to smack 60 mile per hour balls turn into a vicious rather than helpful and encouraging thing?
waxon0waxoff: when the mob got their hands on it.
waxon0waxoff: around the same time horse heads became a symbol of foreboding.
rubbermcshenis: horse heads with or without horns?
rubbermcshenis: dude, that was alliterative.
waxon0waxoff: way to kill the flow with SAT words.
waxon0waxoff: if i were an emperor who slightly resembled a llama, people would be yelling at you right now
rubbermcshenis: I highly believe people are yelling at me right now even though you are not an emperor. so you suck at your anti-llama-turning-into-ness.
waxon0waxoff: i'm sorry i don't have evil ancient cat witches following me around with dimwitted ex-seinfield characters. that's just not how i roll.
rubbermcshenis: Well I roll like a tricycle.
rubbermcshenis: beat that, foo!
waxon0waxoff: i roll like a fuckin big wheel.
waxon0waxoff: spin out lever and everything
waxon0waxoff: you just got SERVED
rubbermcshenis: since when did something invented by a caveman kick the ass of a dangerous and foolish looking children's toy?
rubbermcshenis: oh yeah thats right NEVER
waxon0waxoff: i'm talkin Big Wheel, as in the awesome 80s lowrider plastic three wheeled vehicle, only utilized by the baddest of the bad
waxon0waxoff: jeez, tasha.
rubbermcshenis: I was going to say that I'm a barbie jeep but that's the lowest of the low
rubbermcshenis: so I am done.
rubbermcshenis: fin.
waxon0waxoff: light weight.
rubbermcshenis: I must be off to sleep to stop interrupting my roommates with my typing and crazy maniacal laughter at the mention of John Cusack.
waxon0waxoff: i love that a man whose work includes such titles as "must love dogs" and "sixteen candles" creates maniacal laughter.
rubbermcshenis: I cant even respond to that because I'm gigglin at "sixteen candles"
rubbermcshenis: dont forget high fidelity
rubbermcshenis: his masterpiece
waxon0waxoff: which i must now go watch.
waxon0waxoff: i think i might just fast forward to the end when jack black sings Let's Get It On
rubbermcshenis: dude, you best not be watching that movie without me.
rubbermcshenis: i will string you up by your toenails.
rubbermcshenis: and i do literally mean string. I know your toes like the back of my hand.
waxon0waxoff: how's the hangnail goin?
rubbermcshenis: you're corrupt. and I think this entire conversation should be a profile.
waxon0waxoff: if only they could fit this much.
waxon0waxoff: they should talk to the people at Ford in the minivan division about getting the most out of your space.
rubbermcshenis: don't even mention minivans in a positive light.
rubbermcshenis: the only thing worse than minivans are station wagons.
rubbermcshenis: if they could start a plague that would kill only cars, that would be the proper victim.
waxon0waxoff: what about this new trend of refridgerator box cars? like the scion and honda element. i think those should be high on the list as well.
rubbermcshenis: thats very true. the element would also be a wise target. but i think they should be infected with a different strand that reflects how square they are. like nearsightedness.
waxon0waxoff: or tennis elbow.
rubbermcshenis: haha or carpal tunnel syndrome.
rubbermcshenis: god we rock.
waxon0waxoff: seriously. people wish they were this cunning and witty.
rubbermcshenis: for sure. but i must be off to sleep. or off to attempt to read a novel at 1:12 in the morning.
waxon0waxoff: good luck with that.