Introducing Fancy New Emily

so, i'm back. celebrate.


i guess i jut needed to not be here for a while. i was starting to feel the pressure, and saw my last chance to get out before it all caved in on me.

and now i'm back, and i wish i was still gone.

there was something about just picking up and leaving... it made em feel like a real person. i've been zombie walking through life for a while, just doing what i was expected to do, making decisions people wanted me to make, not paying attention to the fact that i was completely and utterly miserable. i think i'm going to change that.

i like the idea of throwing people off and doing something completely irresponsible and unexcpected. i've never been that girl before... the one people whisper and wonder about. no one's ever talked about me when i wasn't there. i like it. but please please don't let me become an attention whore. smack me before i get that far.

i think it's just time for me to do things for myself, not everyone else. i don't know if all of this makes sense. but i want to be carefree. i don't want to feel like i need to impress everybody all the time. all i ever do is tell jokes or make faces or avoid questions. i'm really not that funny. it's a defense mechanism i have cultivated through years of experience to hide the fact that i am the dullest person on the planet. serisouly, ask my friends from high school. i never did anything. i don't want to tell jokes anymore. please don't make me. that way when i really do tell a joke it's not just because i'm avoiding something.

i don't think i've answered a question



*****i'm sorry, we need to acknowledge the fact that Tasha Swalve just brought me a caramel apple empanada because i asked for one in my away message. she is now my favorite person on the planet. anyway.........

i don't think i've answered a question honestly in 5 years. it's just easier to make a joke.

again, i'm sorry. the fact that someone saw my away message and ACTUALLY went out of their way to bring me a caramel apple empanada just negates everything i've been complaining about. if nothing else i have my friends. they are amazing. they bring me taco bell pastries. and they distract me.

i don't know what i was talking about. i complain too much. hit me hard in the head or something. i think i need to go out this weekend. who wants to go out? let's go out. im me or something. please. i like friends.

where the hell did i come from?

STOP THE PRESSES

OH GOD, BIG NEWS, EEEYOWZAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

EMILY FEELS SMART AND HAPPYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

i don't know what it is, but since about friday, i can't be anything but happy. things are going right. i'm doing well in classes. i actually know what's going on. the club fair with tim walz was a success. homecoming was AMAZING. i can't stop laughing or smiling. nuclear proliferation is my friend.

just ignore the fact that i haven't been eating or sleeping, i have NO money or job, tasha can't go home with me this weekend, and my hair looks like shit. without those little tidbits, life is perfect. seriously. perfect. and in 8-14 business days i will have a furbie. i need to start thinking of a name for it. and things for it to say. and how the hell i'm going to keep it from absolutely annoying me and my roommates.

GAH. the only thing that could throw a wrench into all this, is dems. garrison keillor is on monday, we've got door knocking and phone banking to do, the shirts are still up in the air, and the campaign ads are getting nastier. it's going to be a long 27 days. llllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg. but i just keep telling myself that after november 7, things will cool down a little bit. and that will be amazing. hopefully i will have a job by then to keep me busy. the ugly mug needs to open its doors NOW. NOW.

everyone should go learn things about nuclear proliferation. it makes you feel really smart and socially conscious. wait, not everyone, because then i'll have no one whose head i can hold it over.

So long, so long, front foot leads the back one.

i want to quit life. and by life i mean politics. and by politics i mean the college democrats. no one is happy. tonight's meeting was a disaster. we're being pushed and pulled in 80 different directions, and all of our plans are being undermined, and everyone thinks we're slacking off. i just want to scream at everyone "WE'RE DOING MORE WORK THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE, PLEASE SUCK IT." i say please because i'm not really a mean person. people expect SO MUCH out of us. it's making me depressed. i've been in a horrible mood for about two weeks now. and not just because of the dems, i've gotten a lot of shit thrown at me all at once in the last couple weeks, and this is just the icing on the cake. and now the keillor event is unraveling a little bit, and i have $1.65 to my name, and all i want to do is have a weekend alone in my apartment, maybe with my bottle of tequila. but no. i have friends. and they want me to get out of bed. but i don't know if i'm going to listen to them. nothing bad ever happened in my bed. so far it's the safest place in winona. my lime green pillow has no malicious feelings about the work i've been doing or the quality of my film analysis. the quilt won't give me a B on a quiz i deserved an A on. YOU HEAR THAT CHAD????? THE WAY YOU WORDED THOSE QUESTIONS MADE MULTIPLE ANSWERS POSSIBLE!!! PLEASE JOIN THE GROUP THAT'S SUCKING IT! i've never gotten mad at him before. this is baaaaaaaaaad juju.

does anyone want to have a scream fight with me? jared's offer to wrestle in dining rooms c & d is not looking so bad right now. i want to beat someone up. or throw something at someone. LOOK OUT, EVERYONE ON CAMPUS, YOU MAY RECEIVE A CRUMPLED UP VOTER REG CARD TO THE HEAD TOMORROW!!!!!! frustration is my new middle name. it used to be danger, but then that became too trendy so i changed it. i was going to change it to patience, but the forms i had to fill out and the line i had to wait in were a bit, well, you get the idea.

someone please cheer me up, i dont like being in a bad mood.

Life.

i think i need to take control of my life these days. i get the feeling that some shady stuff is going down, and i'm just not paying attention. so here's to me waking the hell up and not being so naive. not everyone likes me. deal with it. i am a hard person to get along with, i realize. i have great respect for my friends, new, old, and in between, for putting up with my shit. i am a lucky person to have found these people. and as time is progessing, i'm slowly finding parts of myself in these other people, and i guess, more than parts in certain others. oy. tripod.

but anyway, i'm getting over whatever brief little illness i contracted. i'm calling it count choculitis. but now my dear wife is sick with it, and i only hope she kicks it as fast as i did, along with everyone else. i'd say the chances are lookin good.

i want to go see cake and arcade fire live. it's kind of a burning desire. blah blah blah. who wants to see a movie this weekend?

if what they say is "nothing is forever," then what makes love the exception?

i feel like i am devoid of substance. when i open my mouth nothing comes out but jibberish and bad puns that no one understands.

or a complaint.

i think i need to read more. maybe then i'll feel more substantial and conversational. i don't want to go home any time soon. my house is going to be weird without t-bone. i don't want to think about it now. so nevermind.

on the otherhand, i'm actually maybe sort of a little bit happy. things are frustrating, a little foagzz, i'm being WAY to derilious, but at the same time these things are forcing me to enjoy myself and have fun.

so that's where i am right now.



i found this on my computer last night. i didn't think i had one. i may have cried a little bit. did i mention i'm a wuss now?

woops!

i realize now, as i sit on the floor of my closet, that i am a supreme bitch. more specifically, about this whole birthday thing. my roommates are doing a little something for me, and instead of appreciating the effort and thought they're putting into it, i keep complaining about how i don't want a surprise and i don't want a big deal and all this shit. i don't know what they're planning. it could be absolutely perfect. if they know me half as well as i think they do, i'll have an amazing time, no questions asked. so need to just take me foot out of my mouth and shut the hell up with all the complaining. it's my 21st birthday. i should be happy. and my roommates make me happy. and the people i've heard they invited make me happy. i'm going to be happy. i'm in a much better mood.


so to anyone whose last nerve i am currently sledgehammering, i appoligize. i love you all and goodnight.


ps, i'm not drunk.

Dear Eva,

Her face is a map of the world
(Is a map of the world)
You can see she's a beautiful girl
(She's a beautiful girl)
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
(suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
(Like walking the world)
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
(She's a beautiful girl)
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember what you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a word

Suddenly I see
(suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower

She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Yea Yea
Suddenly I see

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me






Love, Your Wifey