oh, i've seen fire and i've seen rain.

i think i am in love.
















with my western civ professor. just because he reminds me of harry goldenblatt from sex and the city. i don't want to get into it. i don't need another latin american history.

for some reason, even though things are really going well for me right now, i can't get to a place where i'm happy. i mean, today was great. i got done everything i needed to, the press conference went well (except when sharon ropes called judy dutcher the assistant governor instead of the leutenant governor. HA!), attendance at the dems meeting was stellar, along with the atmosphere, the pasta i made myself for dinner was delicious, and there's plenty left over for lunch tomorrow, people came over tonight and we all giggled a lot, had two really good phone conversations, yes, good things. but now i find myself sitting on the couch at 2am with a movie on, completely unhappy with how i feel. i'm not happy with the way i'm treating people i care about. i've become the biggest bitch this side of the mississippi. i think i'm trying to force myself into this mold of what everyone wants me to be, and the whole time i just want to scream and throw things and yell and cause trouble and be outrageous and do something that's so completely totally not me. just to see how it feels. but i have a feeling that if some people found out about it i'd be judged from 30 different angles and people would think i had stepped out of line or changed or become something they couldn't be a part of.





and a little place inside of me kind of likes that thought. the idea that i could alienate people who only like a certain version of me and find out who's really open to the idea of complete honesty with another person. i'm not going to shave my head or cover myself with tattoos or date 37 people at once. i think i might just be content with piercing something new. i couple people know what i'm talking about, but not many. so i guess the next time you see me look for a new shiny object. if you can see it while i'm fully clothed.......












oh dear. that's definitely something a little crazy.


who else can i call at 1am? i think eva and tasha are getting sick of me keeping them up. same with rick and the lobby talks...