it's like blog bulemia.

3 times in one day? that's got to be some kind of records for me. but this one's going to be pretty damn candid, so watch out. a lot of name dropping.

i started this blog so my friends in chicago and elsewhere could read it and see what was going on for the 7 months of the year they don't see me. which is big, because when i'm not in winona, i'm with my friends 24/7. so yah, things on here are really in depth and coherent (most of the time) because they're curious. lately, though, i've been compromising detail for fun because more and more and different people have started reading. people i don't know well, possibly one of my professors (if you're reading now, please throw out the green shirt you wore today, it's disgusting), random people who just happen to scroll through and find this. i don't know, it all of a sudden seems like i'm tayloring posts. self-censoring, if you will, and i don't like it.

so what am i trying to say here? yah, i don't know. i guess what i'm trying to say is that all of a sudden i don't feel like i can be honest anymore. i'm not blaming anyone in particular, by no means, more like a combination of factors. i have no idea what i'm talking about. i'm rambling. because this is weird. and i'm weird. but if you're reading this, and every have before, you already know that. that's just how i roll.

stephen colbert just said, "just wait until the pleasure starts" and i flashed back to this time katie, andrea, carla and i were in jared's room and he layed down on his bed and held up his plastic sword and said, "let me get into a position that's pleasing for all of you." i think i had only know jared for like a month, too. then again i've only known tasha for a month or so. i haven't known my winona very long, especially not compared to my friends from home. but for some reason it seems that my friends are my friends for a year, or for a decade. what? i don't know. shut up. i'm confused. why did i start talking about this?

i'm bored. with being here. all of a sudden things have gone from really amazingly fun and interesting to sucking hardcore. i need a big change. something to happen. a new friend maybe, or for someone from home to show up here (hint hint, frank...). kavrobvaoiba;oibwe;okibsdvkb vaiobas;oihb;oihsagoihbvao;ibaoihva;oi. that's what i have to say about my head right now. i'm annoyed with how annoying and boring i can be. i want to be that fun, interesting, witty person, but for some reason i can't be with new people.

honestly, i imagine meeting new people and just being really cool and funny and saying all the right things, and then there are moments like saturday and monday where i open my mouth and complete shite comes out. my jokes end up not being funny (and people constantly rub it in my face...), or i say somethig that offends someone, or just make a complete ass of myself and share too much. the worst is when i insult the people i'm talking to without realizing it. so if that's happened to you, i appologize. it's just me being nervous.

and now that i've embarrassed myself even more than i thought possible, i'll stop posting for today.