i guess...

well, none of you asked for it, but i'm a nice person, so here they are... the answers to my movie trivia game. i can't believe only one person guessed on ONE MOVIE. at least they got it right...

MATILDA

1. Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.
-Probably one of the best family movies I’ve ever seen. It’s smart and funny, and totally genuine. Probably the peak of Mara Wilson’s career, but it’s a good peak to have. Best scene: after fully realizing her powers, matilda spends her day zooming things around the house, cleaning, and having a dance party with her mom’s knick knacks to Rusted Root’s Send Me On My Way.

THE GOONIES

2. This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
-so-called cult hit of the 80’s that rocks my socks. I own it, but if it comes on tv I will still drop everything to watch it. I suggest you go rent it now, if you haven’t scene it. Best scene: buccaneer Sloth swinging in to save the day, dressed as a 2nd grade pirate, ripping his shirt open to reveal a Superman symbol.
3. Don't give me this bullshit about Murphy's Law. If I run into Murphy, I'm gonna kick him right in the balls.

DEATH TO SMOOCHY

4. Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketuh racketuh, it was all about the work. Especially Jesus.
-hilarious DARK comedy about kiddie show corruption. Not for the faint of heart. In my opinion it’s one of Robin Williams’ greatest performances ever, he’s nothing short of brilliant as a psychotic host who looses his last bit of sense when he’s busted for payola. Best scene: the confrontation in mopes/rainbow’s apartment. After a short scuffle, robin’s character gives into the fact that smoochy cannot be beaten, and crosses over to rhino-dom. His account of Nora’s days as a kiddie host groupie is the stuff of dreams.

MONSOON WEDDING

5. So then call him instead of Vikram. Now please go inside before these aunties come out and start dancing on our heads.
-not gonna lie, only saw about half of this, but it was incredibly moving and incredibly well done. The music and scenery is beautiful, and the acting is amazing. Best scene: (in the first 45 minutes) the power goes out and Dubey tries to show off for the family’s servant. Perfect.

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS

6. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds man? It goes against science. You wanna be the guy who goes against science?
-I know what you’re all thinking… honestly? I think this movie is really funny and really well done. AND HONEST. I’m not the biggest josh hartnet fan, but he plays a sheepish sex addict really well. Best Scene: matt (hartnet) is hallucinating during sex, seeing a black hole above his head. He can’t get there one night with a girl and (really badly) fakes an orgasm. She demands “proof” so he runs out to find something. As she walks out of the bedroom he tries to ditch the empty condom by throwing it out the window and misses, getting it stuck on the glass.

MAC AND ME

7. It's Eric's friend Mom, the one he's been trying to tell us about. They caught him in the vacuum cleaner.
-one of the worst made and worst scripted children’s movies of all time, but once you see it, the horrible-ness overtakes you and you’re caught. Wheelchair-bound eric finds an alien that’s been separated from its family, and takes it in, but has to find the others before it’s too late. Best scene: eric and his new friend are invited to a birthday party at mcdonals, but they can’t leave mac the alien at home. They dress him in a teddy bear costume and tell people he’s got microchips and that’s how he moves. At mcdonald’s the freaking alien starts a dance party, with choreography and everything. and Ronald mcdonald shows up. The movie box actually has this on the box “and… featuring a RARE CAMEO from Ronald McDonald!!” I nearly lost it.

SAVED!

8. Piss off, asshole! Oh, and another thing? No more muffins for you! The muffin shop is closed!
-deals with the issue of jesus and religion and god and faith with satire and compassion. Everyone from hardcore Christians to atheists love this movie. And macauly culkin makes an amazing comeback as a cynical paralysis victim. Kudos, mac. Best scene: Cassandra fakes a spiritual awakening during morning assembly, by convulsing and speaking in tongues. Eventually mandy moore reveals to the audience that, in fact, Cassandra is admitting to having a hot pussy.

DOGMA

9. Heh, me lead you? Lady look at me, I don't even know where the hell I am half the time!
-another movie addressing religion… sort of. The cast is perfect, and the gay sexual tension between matt and ben is very real, and very hot. Alan Rickman also delivers a hilarious departure from his usual straight-man character. Best scene: bartleby and loki pass judgment on board room full of corrupt executives, exposing their every secret to each other. This sequence brings out the best of the master/follower relationship the two have.

BOONDOCK SAINTS

10. So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.
-willem Dafoe is incredible. He is the perfect smarmy detective with a secret. He makes one butt-ugly woman, though. In a scathing pass at who is allowed to judge, this movie will make you think, while entertaining you beyond belief. Best scene: only one problem… it’s deleted. So if you can, get the DVD. Connor and Murphy are nursing their wounds after a bar brawl, when their mother unexpectedly calls. It’s st. Patrick’s day, so she’s a little sloshed. She proceeds to fire a gun, faking suicide, sending the brothers into a panic. Eventually things are figured out, and the scene ends with a bang. The twins ask, once and for all, which of them is older. Mamma McManus gives them the best of all possible answers… “the one with the bigger cock… HAH!”

LEON (THE PROFESSIONAL)

11. I am writing here the name of a girl in the class who makes me sick. If things get hot, she'll take the heat.
-I can’t say enough about this movie. Honestly. The three main characters give oscar-calibur performances in one of the best hit man movies ever made. Jean reno (Leon) is a “cleaner” living down the hall from 12 year old Natalie Portman (Mathilda). When her family is killed by gary oldman (Stansfield, who makes one of the best villains in the business, bar none) she goes to reno for help. He will teach her to “clean,” and she will help him out with whatever else he needs. Best Scene: as Mathilda escapes a raid by the FBI, which Stansfield just happens to run, reno is gunned down. Stansfield stands over Leon gloating, and as he lays dying, he hands stansfield something. He takes it, and as he looks at the grenade pin in his hand, Leon says “this is for mathilda.” BOOM. Amazing.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS

12. You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.
-it’s a trip. ‘nuff said. Benicio del Toro is amazing. Best scene: Duke and Dr. Gonzo pick up a hitchhiker (really well acted by Tobey Maguire) and scare the crap out of him, when the hitchhiker is the who should instill fear.

BEST IN SHOW

13. This is my euphemism, Stefan.
-christopher guest is a comedic genius, done and done. John Michael Higgins an Michael McKeon are brilliant as the gay Shi Tzu trainer/handler couple who, despite their quirks, may be the most functional couple in the dog show Mocumentary. Best Scene: The Swan couple from Moordale, IL who have brought their weimeraner Beatrice, but have lost her comfort toy Busy Bee in the hotel. Meg takes the hotel manager and two maids to look for it but it’s no where to be found. After threatening the maids with deportation and insulting the manager (Ed Begley Jr.), she begins ranting about how they “obviously don’t know my daaaaag! Stupid… hotel… manager!!”

A KNIGHT'S TALE

14. Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.
-a very underrated movie, simply because it has heath ledger in it. Ignore that for a second and watch the other performances, especially Paul Bettany as Geoffrey Chaucer. The character is perfect, and the writing of his speeches, and more than that the movie in general, is extremely well done, it’s hard to make that period interesting. Also, pay close attention to the music. A really good score, and an intriguing mix of instrumental and contemporary music to give the whole thing a great feel. Best scene: oh man, the big dance scene. No lie. A giant choreographed English dance, that turns into a Funk Fest to end all Funk Fests. Amazing.

ABOUT A BOY

15. And there I was killing them softly with my song. Or rather being killed. And not so softly either.
-hugh grant’s best role to date. He says it’s the one that’s most like him in real life, and I believe it. Watch for a really great performance by toni collette as the suicidal mother of a weird teenager who befriends hugh’s character. Another movie with some great music… the whole thing was done by Badly Drawn Boy. Best Scene: Will (Grant) starts going to S.P.A.T. (single parents alone together) to meet women, after deciding that single moms are a godsend. He makes up a son, Ned, who is eerily intelligent for a two year old, and tries to impress the other women.

TRAINSPOTTING

16. Phew! I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!
-Irvine Welsch is an amazing author, and if you likes this please go out and read his books, you won’t be able to put them down. This movie can get a bit graphic and disgusting at times, but then again so can the life of a junkie. A great, very accurate portrayal (like I’d know) of life addicted to heroine. And Ewan McGregor is just bloody brilliant. Best Scene: Rents and Sick Boy are spending a day in the park and terrorize the other people there with a BB Gun. While impersonating Sean Connery they shoot a pit bull in the ass so it attack’s it’s master.

ROBIN HOOD (DISNEY ANIMATED VERSION)

17. I am Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney. And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid.
-I know, another kids movie, but this is, in my opinion, the best animated Disney movie of all time. Big ups to the singing rooster at the beginning, he was always my favorite. At one point I wanted to drop out of elementary school to become a roving minstrel. My dad was really supportive. Best scene: after the archery contest, a rager is held at Robin Hood’s forest pad, complete with washtub band and puppet show. I would have gone to that party…

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND

18. I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns onstage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator.
-Chuck Barris is fucking crazy, and I love it. My advice, read the book first (yah it was a book, and a good one). George Clooney has a great eye for directing, and this is a shining example. After I saw this Sam Rockwell quickly became one of my favorite actors, playing the gonged-out Gong Show host who doubled as a CIA assassin. He was a ray of hope as the good-guy-turned-bad-guy in Charlie’s Angels, and realized his full potential in this gem. Best scene: the auditions and clips of the gong show where sam is hosting. The hats, the dancing, the amazing crazy. You can’t get enough.

THE PIRATE MOVIE

19. Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.
-probably the worst movie musical ever made, but as soon as you see it, you’ll know why it’s up here. Kristy McNichol dreams Pirates of Penzance with her and Christopher Atkins as Mabel and Frederic. They sing, they dance, they perry, they thrust, they make you want to hurl. The tagline of this movie? Buckle Your Swash and Jolly Your Roger for the Funniest Rock 'N Rollickin' Adventure Ever! They ain’t lyin! Best scene: the first big musical number, it just sets the stage for the wonder that is to come.

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY

20. Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
-it’s not a chick flick, I swear. Some of the best writing in a romantic comedy… ever. I know, everyone has a hard time believing Harry is 22 at the beginning, but what are you going to do? Meg Ryan is amazingly narcotic, and pre-fish lips. Big ups to anyone who can correctly quote her salad and pie ordering scene. Best scene: of course, the fake orgasm. It’s such an out-of-character moment for Sally, you almost believe that she might be a little wild under there. And the way she goes back to her food like nothing happens… brilliant. Plus that old lady who wants what she’s having. I love her.

1776

21. A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake, I'd accept with some despair. But no, You sent us Congress! Good God, Sir, was that fair?
-we go from the worst movie-musical, to by far the best. Not very widely known, but ever history major, if not every person on the planet, should see this. Note: George Freakin Feeny (William Daniels) plays John Adams. And ROCKS IT. Oh man, guess what high school Corey Matthews went to… but anyway. It’s amazingly well written, and the music, if you actually listen, is hilarious. Best scene: John and gang argue over the writing credits for the constitution.

THE MEXICAN

22. By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives.
-everyone in the world hated this movie except me, and I’m totally ok with that. Brad Pitt is hilarious as a bumbling idiot package boy, and Julia Roberts makes a great demanding girlfriend. But by far the biggest standout performance is James Gandolfini, who plays a gay hitman that falls in love with a postal worker while driving Julia to her doom. Best scene: Julia and James sit in a diner discussing their sex life and Julie outs him.

LITTLE BIG MAN

23. Well, Jack. Now you know. This is a house of ill fame. And I'm a fallen flower. This life is not only wicked and sinful. It isn't even any fun.
-another history major must-see. Dustin Hoffman is a white man raised by Indians who has to confront his true heritage and his feelings about his adoptive family. All the while, Custer is trying to tear the whole thing apart. Best scene: the interview scenes with Dustin as an old man. Way before the amazing makeup of today’s cinema, it’s beautifully done and very convincing.

BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS

24. It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?
-Mary Poppins ripoff, you say? Well did Mary freakin Poppins have enchanted suits of armor beating up Nazis, or an animated animal soccer match? Yah, didn’t think so. She can take her spoon full of sugar and cram it down her throat. Best scene: honestly, this movie is such a trip that nothing stands out as that much better than the other parts. Everyone should see this movie. The whole thing. Brilliant.

TWELFTH NIGHT

25. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
-I’m usually not a fan of Shakespeare on the Silver Screen (sorry Kenneth Branaugh…) but this is just so well done and well cast, I can’t help but give it some props. Helena Bonham Carter is incredible, but the real random surprise is Sir Ben Kingsly as the house jester. Who knew he could play a lute. Best scene: the big reveal at the end. All of the tension and sex and love that’s built up since the beginning is exploded in a glorious “outing.” Nothing is better than that.

SAY ANYTHING

26. Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I've been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later.
-John Cusack makes a great downtrodden everyman, and is at his best in this. Genuine, funny, the guy you knew in high school that all the girls loved, but never dated. Ione Skye has always annoyed me a little bit, but she’s bearable here. I love John Mahoney, in a huge departure from his normal roles, as her thieving, conniving, asshole of a father, who thinks he’s doing what’s best. Joan Cusack is great as John’s understated single mom older sister. Best Scene: this infamous… Diane (Skye) has broken up with Lloyd(Cusack) on her father’s recommendation, but he refuses to believe she doesn’t love him, so he stands outside her window with a stereo over this head, playing the song they first made love to, Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes.

3 NINJAS *THIS IS THE ONLY MOVIE THAT WAS GUESSED!!!!!*

27. I'm Colt because I'm fast, he's Rocky because he's solid and he's Tum-Tum because he'll eat anything.
-in the age of Chuck Norris and the Karate Kid, this was inevitable. Three young Americans spend way to much time with their ninja grandfather and develop super huge egos. So when criminals try to take over, they’re ready to fight them off. Best scene: thieves try to break into the grandfather’s house, and the boys fight them off Home Alone style, with a few Aayah”s stuck in there.

MY GIRL

28. I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.
-Vada Sultenfuss is one of the greatest characters in American cinema. When I was little all I wanted to be was her. She was cool, she had a goldfish, she lived in a funeral home, her best friend was a boy, and she had the coolest step mom on the planet. But the thing that always gets me is the emotional journey. She’s the most grown-up 11 year old in the world. But she doesn’t hold it over your head, and that’s why it works. Best scene: sappy, I know, but at the end of the movie when she reads her weeping willow poem about Thomas J. at the adult poetry class. It’s not Walt Whitman, but coming from her, it’s huge.

THE SURE THING

29. Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Yeah, Nick. Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick.
-Another John Cusack 80’s movie. What can I say. This time he’s Walter “Gib” Gibson, a college student in search of the perfect no strings attached one night stand. The thing is, it’s in California with his friend Lance (a full head of hair Anthony Edwards). So he gets a travel buddy, Alison Bradbury (Daphne Zuniga) and falls in love with her. Big surprise there, eh? Anyway, it’s a good laugh, with great sexual tension and awkward conversation. Best scene: the first conversation, about stars on the room of one of the campus buildings. Classic.

BILLY ELLIOT

30. Don't know. Sorta feels good. Sorta stiff and that, but once I get going... then I like, forget everything. And... sorta disappear. Sorta disappear. Like I feel a change in my whole body. And I've got this fire in my body. I'm just there. Flyin' ike a bird. Like electricity. Yeah, like electricity.
-SEE THIS MOVIE. Clear your head beforehand, don’t go in with any preconceived notions of the plot and conversation. I watched this in my English class my senior year of high school, and I will forever thank Dr. Fischer for that. Billy Elliot combines the struggle of a boy to be recognized by his family, and the struggle of his family to be recognized by the company they are striking against. Riots, ballet, boxing, this has it all. And the grandmother can be freakin hilarious sometimes. Best scene: Billy goes to his dance teacher’s house, and the daughter, who’s in Billy’s ballet class, tries to get in his knickers, with one of the best lines I have ever heard: “If you want, I’ll show you me fanny.” “Nah, I’m alright.”