i think i have issues.

so right now i'm talking to christine online. she's trying to have a normal conversation with actual topics, and i'm just shooting that all to shit. i don't know what it is about tonight, but i don't feel like taking anything seriously. maybe the andrea crazy really did rub off on me. well anyway, if you don't get what i'm talking about, here are a couple little snippets from the conversation...
Beans: Gosh, Joel. I'm not too happy with him right now
Emily: uh oh, trouble in paradise?
Beans: yeah he assigned the Apology the fucker
Emily: ouch
Emily: there's a reason i don't like greece and philosophy
Emily: and when you put them both together emily wants a 10 gauge
Beans: I mean it isn't that bad because I love me some Greeks but Socrates is hard to understand sometimes.
Beans: More than anything else I jsut don't want to seem dumb to him
Emily: psh. don't feel the need to impress that snooty fruit.
Beans: no I am like that in all of my classes
Beans: especially since I love Ancient Greece I am always wanted to study the philosophy
Emily: yah, i get what you mean. i've always been really into basket weaving, but they don't offer a course here on the philosphy of gypsies.
Beans: nice Trems
Emily: thank you. i've been wondering when you'd acknowledge my post-grey idiocy
Beans: lol
Beans: way to be Trems
Emily: what can i say, when i get a little debbie in me, there's no telling where i'll end up that night.
Beans: wow
Beans: I still love you hehehe
Emily: you better, i'm more entertainment in one being than jim carrey with a billy crystal enema
Beans: thanks a bunch for the lovely image
Emily: it's better than me telling you he couldn't get the enema all the way in and crystal's jew fro was hanging out a little bit
Beans: and you're done

yah, and it's not even over yet. but whatever.
on to the next topic:

Nouns As Verbs
there's been a recent rash of nouns as verbs, and i'd like to address the situation. it started, innocently, a couple years back with Google. at first we searched things. after a while, we googled them. and now that abuse has spread across the board, even to everyday occurances having nothing to do with the internet. one of these is a problem i've had for many years. the word itch. itch is a noun. not a verb. it cannot be used interchangably, contrary to popular belief. you do not "itch" your leg. YOU SCRATCH IT. you can scratch an itch, you can't itch a scratch (Beans 3). you like that citing there? yah, i thought so. big ups, Dr. Fischer. moving on. another noun/verb peeking it's head out of the diminished grammar shit hole is IMDB. unfortunately, i am guilty of injecting this little gem into my daily lexicon. look it up, bitches. anyway... to imdb someone: to use afformentioned website (www.imdb.com) to look up bibliographic, trivial, cast, and musical information about celebrities, movies, television shows, and yes, pornos. a little more acceptable, i think, because it hasn't been blogeoned to shit by the american public yet. give it time, though. give it time.

sorry for my little tirade.

and i think it's time to go back to my conversation with christine. it's gotten a little out of hand, i'm warning you now...

Emily: so how was your weekend?
Beans: pretty good I wish I could have seen my dad more but such is life
Beans: and last night was great I posted a blog about it lol
Emily: yah, i read that
Emily: you were almost as drunk as katie
Beans: except she actually had alcohol
Emily: hahaha she was iming me after she got home... amazing
Emily: katie's drunk typing is like my sober typing
Beans: Oh Katie
Beans: I wish I would have talked to her lol
Emily: it was freakin hilarious
Emily: she does the best subject transitions when she's tipsy
Beans: my sober typing blows I can only imagine what it would be like drunk
Emily: same here
Emily: it took me way too long to type "me sober typing"
Beans: lol
Emily: and i just typed it wrong
Emily: i hate the word type
Emily: and typewriter
Beans: very nice
Emily: i feel like i'm typing them wrong because all the letters are on the top row
Beans: yeah
Emily: i swear i'm not drunk
Beans: no I know
Emily: i think it's andrea
Emily: when i'm around her while she's hyper i get like this
Beans: it's ok I don't mind
Beans: I was nuts last night
Emily: sounds like it...
Beans: yeah it was awesome
Emily: my left ear is itchy
Emily: that means it's going to snow tonight
Emily: or tomorrow
Beans: damn it
Emily: yah, but at least i know ahead of time then. it sucks when your ear itches for like 2 hours straight, though.
Beans: true
Emily: but at least i'm scratching it, not itching it
Emily: i hate when people say they need to itch something
Emily: i'm actually writing a blog about it right now
Emily: about nouns as verbs
Beans: to scratch an itch not itch a scratch
Emily: exactly
Emily: see beans, you and i are on the same page with this stuff.
Beans: exactaly
Beans: I'm so tried that I am beyond tired but we are watching the Birdcage
Emily: i love that movie
Emily: i think i'm going to throw a movie on my laptop tonight to fall asleep to, but i don't know what yet.
Beans: nice
Emily: i've watched the first 45 minutes of the same movies for weeks, but i don't know what else to put on
Beans: I see
Emily: i
Emily: m
Emily: s
Emily: o
Emily: b
Emily: o
Emily: r
Emily: e
Emily: d
Beans: thansk for that'
Emily: i hadn't meant to do it, but once i messed up i'm, i was like, fuck it, let's go for the whole deal
Beans: HAHAHAA
Emily: FINALLY i get a laugh out of the bean
Beans: yeah and it usually doesn't take much
Emily: and i was throwing out some gems earlier. i mean, "snooty fruit"? that's fuckin funny
Beans: true
Beans: which reminds me I had a great one earlier
Beans: Brittany goes "That is the best fruit I have ever had."
Beans: and I go no Joel is the best fruit you've ever had
Emily: hahahahahaha nice
Emily: nice beans
Beans: I thought so
Emily: i would have been like, "then you obviously haven't tried yourself yet"
Beans: Emily
Emily: what can i say, i've run the black jokes into the ground lately
Emily: now i'm turning on the gays
Beans: LOL
Emily: man i am on tonight. somebody should be sending this into NBC
Emily: they could use the charity
Beans: you are on fire
Emily: i'm on fire like effin michael jackson's head in 1985
Emily: but i don't need hair gel to keep me burnin
Beans: you are out of control
Emily: i'm out of control like southern churches on Klan night.
Beans: and you crossed the line love
Emily: IF I'M GOING DOWN I'M TAKING BLACKS, GAYS, AND LIBERALS WITH ME!!!!
Emily: aaaaaaaaaand scene.
Emily: *applause*
Beans: WOW
Emily: thank you, thank you. i'd like to thank everyone for coming out this late, that's a rap on "george bush hates everyone" for the night
Beans: Oh Trems
Emily: i think i just had an out-of-body experience
Emily: i feel like that kid in flight of the navigator
Emily: he fell down a hill and woke up 10 years later without aging, but everyone else had, and he went to his house, but his family didn't live there anymore, so they took him to the hospital, but they didn't know what was wrong, and he had to fly this crazy space ship and an alien ate his hat, but then he woke up again at the bottom of the hill and was totally fine.
Emily: i think that pretty much sums up my life right there
Emily: i'm at the people thinking i'm crazy and taking me to the hospital part right now
Beans: ok brb gotta head upstairs quick
Emily: again, i'm sorry for being me.
Beans: Sorry about that
Emily: no worries
Emily: i forgive you
Emily: i could go for a jesus joke there, but i've got more tact than that
Emily: just a little more
Beans: good to know
Emily: plus i have to much respect for you.
EMily: but mostly i just don't want to get yelled at
Beans: you make i sound like I have no sensse of humor and all I do is yell at you
Beans: I obviously have no spelling ability either lol
Emily: not yelled at by you
Emily: yelled at by god
Emily: you don't yell at me
Emily: you just give me The Look
Beans: lol
Emily: the "you've crossed a line and if you go any farther i'm going to smack you harder than bobby ever smacked whitney" look
Beans: LOL
Beans: that was awesome
Beans: I approve of that reference
Emily: it's soooooooo true though
Emily: good to know
Emily: *note to self* bobby smacking whitney is ok in christine's book
Beans: NO
Emily: hahaahahaha
Emily: gotcha
Beans: you twat
Emily: you know it
Emily: pole smoker
Beans: VIRGIN
Emily: you're one to talk...
Beans: true
Beans: but I was just following my own fab writing
Emily: i know, but i didn't have a good comeback, that's all i could think of
Beans: way to go point awarded to Beans
Emily: hey, this is not Wild 'N' Out
Emily: and if it is, i'm going to kill you in the rap battle
Beans: true
Emily: i'm listening to the monkees right now and trying really hard to find drug or Emily: but it's really fucking hard
Beans: nice
Emily: daydream believer's got nothing
Emily: unless cheer up is pot and homecoming queen is prostitute
Beans: you never know
Emily: davey jones was a wild little bitch
Emily: but i think mickey dolenz had him beat...
Beans: whatever you say Trems
Emily: have you ever seen him on boy meets world? the man did not age well...
Emily: i think he did some hardcore partying in his day
Beans: lol
Emily: i never realized that the only three monkees who still do public appearances were all on boy meets world
Beans: as interesting as this is I need some fucking sleep
Emily: alright
Emily: night beans
Beans: night Trems

i love when i have no idea what's going on. suck it, mental stability.