priceless.

i finally have a quotable professor. it really just brightens my day. walter sargent, my Post Civil War US History teacher reminds me of my dad, and he keeps throwing out these really od one-liners and stuff. i finally started writing them down today. if you're not a history nerd you may not think they're that funny, but whatever.

"The railroad... uh... monopolies... are... uh... the octopus that's trying to strangle... America... yah."
"I mean, you take a guy like Vanderbilt. He just fell into a hundred million. His son William, not senior. The old Commodor made all the money, he was a fiesty dude."
*trying to figure out the overhead* "this is gettin a little tweaky. i'm not a fan of all this technology crap. just look at my website."

i don't care, i think he's funny. speaking of random hilarious things, i love cold, confused minne people. especially cute ones.

so i talked to my mom last night, and i think she was drunk, because she just kept throwin stuff out there like it was her job. i'll give you the rundown...
*note, my parents call me weez, short for weezbojeezyak*

"well, emmy, if you do run for office, don't tell anyone you went to chippendales. it's not like with clinton, you can't just say you didn't inhale..."

"mike, don't tell the kids about dropping acid. i don't think matt's even tried pot yet."

"well, it's springtime and i'm getting eye rashes..." *this is from last april, but i decided to throw it in there...*

"i don't know what your dad's telling you about Nam, but his job was to travel ahead of the generals to scope out the hotels and pick the best hookers."

"you know, that damn dog's crazier than i am. and i was a hippie."

"you think you had it tough at home? try living with a stuffy stay-at-home country club republican. hell, you've met grandma."

"damn it weez, i always used to hate finding your pickle in the freakin hamper. you were such an absentminded little bitch."

"i'm going to tell you this now, and i want you to remember it. if you ever get... you know... hungry... like late at night or something... you get what i'm saying here? of course you do. anyway, the best thing in this situation is hashbrowns. cheesy, greasy hashbrowns. there you go, weez. you'll thank me later."

see? crazy, man. no wonder i'm so screwed up.