oh hells yah.

i miss eva!!!!!

i love my friends. tonight was amazing. katie is probably the funniest person i've ever met, and i don't think she's even trying.

and andrea just makes me smile.

and carla is hilarious, but she's just so freakin cool it sneaks up on you.

christine makes me laugh so effin hard. and she has some of the best one liners ever.

i don't know the point of this post. just felt like writing something.

you wish you were as cool as my friends.

cut it out!!!

i'm going to go on record right now and say that i am anti-Latin America. i'm also anti-frostbite, even though some believe that's not a feasable option.

but enough about that. i don't really want to dwell on negative things, for once.

tonight was freakin amazing. katie, christine, andrea, carla, and leah watched RENT down in the lounge and ate an ass load of pizza. it was hilarious because christine and i couldn't stop laughing during what you own. it really just makes me want to pull my pants half way down my ass, rip off my shirt, and declare that i'm not a girl, not yet a women.

wow, if people don't get that reference i look like a total freak.

but yah. after the movie christine, katie and i came back to our room and just sat around talking about, what else, sex. but it wasn't serious conversation, it was katie runny her hand over christine's ass, christine talking about how her teacher explained the "pull out" method, discussing the karma sutra, and laughing about dave coulier and un-circumsized penises. *see my facebook for some great new quotes* it was just freakin hilarious. we're probably the last three girls anyone expects to talk about this stuff, but oh man. when we get going, there's no stopping us. i couldn't stop laughing. actual tears. bah.

me: not in a nutshell. vol. 2

when i'm bored and can't sleep i sometimes read over my old posts. i went all the way back to january 19th, in which i asked people who read to leave a comment saying they did so. for a long time there were only two comments, but today when i looked there were three. and the the third one said: I read this. I like how you talk about your professors.

for some reason, this creeped the hell out of me. what if it actually was one of my professors? i mean, i talk about ristow a lot, and i make fun of my history and geography professors, and i talk about my friends, and picking my nose, and my mental disorders. I DON'T WANT MY PROFESSORS TO KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THAT!!! accept maybe the part about erasing the chalkboard completely. they could use some lessons in that. seriously. but yah, now i'm worried about my teachers reading this, and in class for the rest of the week i'm going to wonder if they know. of course i'll ba all paranoid and imagine that they're looking at me funny or talking about me when i'm not there, but that's how i role.

when i eat gummy worms i save all the red and white ones for last because they're my favorites.

when i sit at my computer at night, even if i'm not listening to music i put on my big giant studio headphones. i like the way my brain works when i'm wearing them.

sometimes, when nobody's looking, i make up songs about whatever i'm doing and sing them out loud while i'm dancing.

i think it's funny that christine would rather i pierce something instead of cutting my hair when i get bored. i guess that says something about my head the last couple weeks.

when i was little i had a crush on dan akroyd.

i'm attracted to total assholes and i hate myself for it.

i'm scared that i'll never be able to get a job with a history major.

i don't want to go to california this summer for the family reunion. it's supposed to be in kentucky. plus, i really don't like kristen's husband mike the marine recruitment officer, he's a real jerk, and when we met him last summer he told my dad that he hoped they would reinstate the draft to make his job easier. my dad was drafted in vietnam.

i wish i was vada sultenfuss.

i miss being friends with kurt caldwell, but i don't think i could be friends with the person he's become.

i'm not excited about spring break.



so much for being paranoid about my teachers reading this.
i'm going to bed.

i should be sleeping, but my mind is swimming

so i'm sitting in my bed, it's about 1:30 am, and i hear a phone ringing. because my roommate is asleep i freak out and run into the hall with my old cell phone. most people know i have a new number, but i check anyway just in case. i look at the call list, because by now i've missed it, and my poor lil heart skips a beat. frank.

my first thought is that he's drunk and calling to complain about something, because he's a bitch like that. but against my better judgement and nagging mind i grab my new phone and head down to the lounge to call him back. he seems pretty lucid, so i go on with the conversation.

i haven't realized how much i really do miss him.

i've known frank for a very long time, and he's always been one of my closest friends, no matter the infrequency with which we actually see each other. he's a busy guy, and his school has a completely different schedule than mine, so it's very rare that we have a break at the same time. weekends like the one i spent with him back in september are sparatic and amazing. and i feel horrible that i didn't see him more over winter break, but one trip to the record store gave me just enough of a fix to hopefully last me until spring break.

but anyway, our conversation...

it seems that lately we've both been analyzing a lot, especially friendships and social inclinations (beans, do not take this as me embracing sociology in any way, shape or form). he's reading a portrait of the artist as a young man, and came to the conclusion that his friendships have always worked around the number three. him (the middle man), a victim, and a victimizer. and i realized that i do the exact same thing. i'm always in groups of three people, and it seems to take that same shape. or i'm the victim, or the victimizer. but if it seems to me the other two roles are being represented, i force myself into that third one without even realizing it, just to make things feel balanced. i told frank about the other day when katie and i were walking to class. there were a bunch of kids standing outside the art building, one with dreadlocks, one with paint splattered overalls and cat-eye glasses, one with a ratty cardigan and striped suit pants, all smoking brown herbal cigarettes. i turned to katie and said, "wow, this school majors in perpetuating sterotypes. all of the kids on the basketball team are either black, or really tall, the kids standing outside of the art building all look like they should be there, the kids in somsen(the business and computer building) are all foreign, i feel like i'm back in high school." she looked over and said, "you know, i don't think i fit in any of these buildings." i looked down at my outfit. green army pants, chucks, a black hoodie, multiple piercings, an army medic messenger bag, iPod with neil young blaring. "you know, i look like i should be standing outside the history or poly sci building, but i don't really want to." in high school everything was very segregated. there were definite cliques and groups. and i was in the group of kids who didn't fit in the other groups. i said all this to frank and, after a pause, said, "you know, james joyce would probably think that was a very artistic thing to say." and it started all over again.

but frank was the same way in high school. we've always been oddly connected to each other. so much in common, always thinking about the same stuff at the same time.

and then he tells me that he wants to become a catholic priest. i questioned this decision in my mind because, well, frank is gay, and i don't exactly see good old Benedict XVI asking him to come over and watch Brokeback Mountain. but he told me that his whole reasoning behind it is education. he wants to be able to use the amazing resources of the catholic church to teach, what he calls, the "really jesus christy stuff." peace, love tolerance, just overall spirituality, not blind conformity. and i got it. it's the perfect thing for frank. the other night he was standing at the sheridan stop on the red line talking to a homeless man. "i don't have any money for you, because i'm the poorest person i know, but i can give you information." (at this point i broke into the story and told frank that he himself was the crazy homeless man.) frank explained about the wars in the middle east, how everything was in fact over oil, and that these holy lands were starting to lose that holiness because of it. the focus had been shifted away from what was important. and as i'm listening to this, i'm realizing that i really don't care about anything. i have no passion, nothing i would fight for if it came down to it. i have things i feel strongly about, but to me they're things i shouldn't have to fight for. i don't really know, but at that moment i felt unimportant and apathetic. then frank told me that the email i sent him last week, which was just me saying that i'd noticed he'd deleted his myspace and facebook, put a smile on his face because someone had taken notice. and i realized that i am passionate about something. my friends. i would fight for any one of them, i care about them more than anything, and the fact that me acknowledging someone's existence reaffirmed something for them made me feel important again.

so there that is.

WARNING: i'm gettin truthier.

eek. it's been a while. i don't know, i've been busy spenging time with my friends. after getting kicked off the island last week i guess i've been scrambling to surround myself with people i know aren't going to just get bored and decide to walk out on me. don't take this as me being needy. i'm never needy. it's a rule. i'm tough and strong, and stupid crazy bitchy people can't get to me.

except that they can...

i just keep running the things she said about me over and over in my head. i really hope that's not how everyone else sees me. i know i'm loud, and abrassive, and annoying, and i'm sure that half the time someone wants to kick me in the face, but just be patient. i'm really trying to grow up right now and trying to become the person i want to be, but it's taking some effort. certain people have enforced some not so stellar behavior that needs to be corrected. and i think a lot of this is going to be me getting honest, with others AND myself. which brings me to my next point, this weird hUman contact thing i have going on right now.

i think i've figured it out. it's a trust thing. after the whole britt debachle i've been a little shaken... i mean, i lived with the girl, she was one of my closest friends here, we were really similar in a lot of ways, and i trusted her. so now i'm going back and forcing myself to evaluate all of my friendships, make sure i trust people. so, to the people here in winona, i'm sorry if i seem distant, or i pull back if you try to hug me or touch me (i think high fives are just about all i can handle right now...) it's not that i don't like you. it's more like i'm just trying to figure out where i stand with everyone. i don't not trust you all, i'm just working on reaffirming everything.

more than physical contact even, i really feel uncomfortable with mushy stuff right now. valentines was tough because everyone kept saying they loved me, seriously. i'm okay with me doing something completely stupid and someone saying they love me for it, but just the flat out "i love you, emily" stuff isn't what i want right now. it just never seems genuine anymore. just like when people say "if you need anything you can come to me" after a tragedy. i just don't believe you. i realize it sounds like i have issues, probably because i do, but i'm not going to shut people out. just keeping it casual is all. who knows when i'll come around, so just be patient.

i don't like this feeling

my parents aren't going to help with funds for a new camera, so it looks like i'm camera-less for the first time in 7 years. my old one still kind of works, which will help with the dance party this weekend, but i can't zoom, and the shutter button sticks and takes a little effort. everyone keeps telling me to just get it repaired, but i wouldn't know how to go about doing that. plus it's a discontinued model from 3 years ago that had a lot of issues, so i don't know if anyone would know how to fix it. it's kind of an odd old dinosaur, but we've been through a lot. it's kind of sad, to tell you the truth. so i'm just going to be saving up for a while, until i can afford a new one. i put some more books up on amazon, and we're going to the casino next weekend, and the powerball is up to a quarter billion, so i have some options, but we'll just wait for all that to pan out. it's at the point where i'm willing to work at shomig with mom over spring break to get some cash. i know, i'm REALLY desperate. whatever. we'll just plug it out until then.

i'm starting to get really stressed out, so this weekend could not have come soon enough. i'm ready to just cut loose and dance it up tomorrow night. dance party = therapy for emily.

well how d'you like that.

my digital camera broke!!!!!!!

my poor little camera that i've had for 3 years and loved to death is broken, and now i have to buy a new one, but i don't have any money!!!! hopefully i can weasel some out of my parents to get a new one, they know how much i love my camera and how often i use it. i have my new one picked out, though...

New Camera

it's a lot smaller than my old one, and i'm going to have to get used to the new software. not to mention the fact that it's a kodak, and i've only ever had canons. we'll see how it goes. it isn't super high tech or facny or amazing, but it's the best that i can afford. i sure am going to miss my little flippy screen thing, it was great for taking pictures of myself.

so farewell, dear camera, we've had a long run. have a good time with all my old cell phones and walkmen in gadget heaven.

fuck you, and your cat.

i've got granola all over my key board and everytime i type with my left hand it crunches. i'm in human bio right now and we're talking about the cardiovascular system. brako shows us a diagram of where to take a pulse, and so i look up from my computer to see a giant, anatomically correct, naked man on the big 20 foot projection screen. that's hot. so anyway...

i realize i haven't exactly explained what's been going on and why all of a sudden i'm very angry and upset all the time. i'll teel you all now, but i'm going to be kind of discreet about it, because one of the people involved likes to make blogs a big deal, even though reading them is voluntary.

*DISCLAIMER: IF YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS AND USE IT AGAINST ME LATER, WITHOUT ACTUALLY SAYING ANYTHING TO MY FACE, STOP READING NOW.*

so, for some reason, none of the people involved can still quite put their finger on it, britt got annoyed with us tuesday night. something about me asking katie a joke question at dinner and katie asking why britt was walking a certain way threw her into a fit of rage. so the away message wars began. katie and i were confused and a little angry, but mostly just confused. and then it blew up. i guess our away messages, which really weren't that bad, pushed her off the deep end. she wrote a scathing blog about katie and me, calling us bitches, and liars, and judgemental. it was not fun. so katie and i were over it. britt won't say anything to our faces because she is a coward and needs to grow a pair, and katie and i really don't care. if we're so easy to get rid of, we dont' want her as a friend anyway. the big kicker came after everyone had calmed down and gone back to their respective dorm rooms to settle in for the night. we then get ims from christine saying that... OUT OF NOWHERE... britt told her she didn't want to be friends anymore. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?????? honestly... who makes a conscious decision not to have any friends? crazy people, that's who.

so that's where it is right now. she won't talk to any of us because she is fucking chicken shit, and the "give me back my stuff" war is on between her and christine. everything is being left outside of britt's door, even christine's stuff, because she refuses to leave her room to go put it up by christine's door. someone needs to drag her to some thereapy to try and figure out why she would do this. i'm not saying that if she gets help i'll be friends with her again. i never would after the way she's treated all of us.

alright, i need to stop talking about this. it's making me really angry, and i'm in class right now. not a good combo.

whatever. britt is done.

i've got some dirt on my shoulder, could you brush it off for me?

This is a song about _____
This is a song about the girl next door
This is a song about the everyday occurances that make you feel like letting go
Yes I think we've got a problem
So much for the afterglow
This is a song about _____
This is a song about the way things are
This is a song about the scary things you see from the corner of your eyes
Don't you wonder why?
We never talk about the future
We never talk about the past anymore
We never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody even wants to know
I guess the honeymoon is over
So much for the afterglow
I remember we could talk about anything
I remember when we used to want to hang out
We never talk about the future
We never talk about the past anymore
We never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody even wants to know
Oh well oh well oh well
So much for the afterglow
Oh well oh well oh well
Yes I guess we need the drama
So much for the afterglow

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?????????? SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE DRAMA!

i think i have issues.

so right now i'm talking to christine online. she's trying to have a normal conversation with actual topics, and i'm just shooting that all to shit. i don't know what it is about tonight, but i don't feel like taking anything seriously. maybe the andrea crazy really did rub off on me. well anyway, if you don't get what i'm talking about, here are a couple little snippets from the conversation...
Beans: Gosh, Joel. I'm not too happy with him right now
Emily: uh oh, trouble in paradise?
Beans: yeah he assigned the Apology the fucker
Emily: ouch
Emily: there's a reason i don't like greece and philosophy
Emily: and when you put them both together emily wants a 10 gauge
Beans: I mean it isn't that bad because I love me some Greeks but Socrates is hard to understand sometimes.
Beans: More than anything else I jsut don't want to seem dumb to him
Emily: psh. don't feel the need to impress that snooty fruit.
Beans: no I am like that in all of my classes
Beans: especially since I love Ancient Greece I am always wanted to study the philosophy
Emily: yah, i get what you mean. i've always been really into basket weaving, but they don't offer a course here on the philosphy of gypsies.
Beans: nice Trems
Emily: thank you. i've been wondering when you'd acknowledge my post-grey idiocy
Beans: lol
Beans: way to be Trems
Emily: what can i say, when i get a little debbie in me, there's no telling where i'll end up that night.
Beans: wow
Beans: I still love you hehehe
Emily: you better, i'm more entertainment in one being than jim carrey with a billy crystal enema
Beans: thanks a bunch for the lovely image
Emily: it's better than me telling you he couldn't get the enema all the way in and crystal's jew fro was hanging out a little bit
Beans: and you're done

yah, and it's not even over yet. but whatever.
on to the next topic:

Nouns As Verbs
there's been a recent rash of nouns as verbs, and i'd like to address the situation. it started, innocently, a couple years back with Google. at first we searched things. after a while, we googled them. and now that abuse has spread across the board, even to everyday occurances having nothing to do with the internet. one of these is a problem i've had for many years. the word itch. itch is a noun. not a verb. it cannot be used interchangably, contrary to popular belief. you do not "itch" your leg. YOU SCRATCH IT. you can scratch an itch, you can't itch a scratch (Beans 3). you like that citing there? yah, i thought so. big ups, Dr. Fischer. moving on. another noun/verb peeking it's head out of the diminished grammar shit hole is IMDB. unfortunately, i am guilty of injecting this little gem into my daily lexicon. look it up, bitches. anyway... to imdb someone: to use afformentioned website (www.imdb.com) to look up bibliographic, trivial, cast, and musical information about celebrities, movies, television shows, and yes, pornos. a little more acceptable, i think, because it hasn't been blogeoned to shit by the american public yet. give it time, though. give it time.

sorry for my little tirade.

and i think it's time to go back to my conversation with christine. it's gotten a little out of hand, i'm warning you now...

Emily: so how was your weekend?
Beans: pretty good I wish I could have seen my dad more but such is life
Beans: and last night was great I posted a blog about it lol
Emily: yah, i read that
Emily: you were almost as drunk as katie
Beans: except she actually had alcohol
Emily: hahaha she was iming me after she got home... amazing
Emily: katie's drunk typing is like my sober typing
Beans: Oh Katie
Beans: I wish I would have talked to her lol
Emily: it was freakin hilarious
Emily: she does the best subject transitions when she's tipsy
Beans: my sober typing blows I can only imagine what it would be like drunk
Emily: same here
Emily: it took me way too long to type "me sober typing"
Beans: lol
Emily: and i just typed it wrong
Emily: i hate the word type
Emily: and typewriter
Beans: very nice
Emily: i feel like i'm typing them wrong because all the letters are on the top row
Beans: yeah
Emily: i swear i'm not drunk
Beans: no I know
Emily: i think it's andrea
Emily: when i'm around her while she's hyper i get like this
Beans: it's ok I don't mind
Beans: I was nuts last night
Emily: sounds like it...
Beans: yeah it was awesome
Emily: my left ear is itchy
Emily: that means it's going to snow tonight
Emily: or tomorrow
Beans: damn it
Emily: yah, but at least i know ahead of time then. it sucks when your ear itches for like 2 hours straight, though.
Beans: true
Emily: but at least i'm scratching it, not itching it
Emily: i hate when people say they need to itch something
Emily: i'm actually writing a blog about it right now
Emily: about nouns as verbs
Beans: to scratch an itch not itch a scratch
Emily: exactly
Emily: see beans, you and i are on the same page with this stuff.
Beans: exactaly
Beans: I'm so tried that I am beyond tired but we are watching the Birdcage
Emily: i love that movie
Emily: i think i'm going to throw a movie on my laptop tonight to fall asleep to, but i don't know what yet.
Beans: nice
Emily: i've watched the first 45 minutes of the same movies for weeks, but i don't know what else to put on
Beans: I see
Emily: i
Emily: m
Emily: s
Emily: o
Emily: b
Emily: o
Emily: r
Emily: e
Emily: d
Beans: thansk for that'
Emily: i hadn't meant to do it, but once i messed up i'm, i was like, fuck it, let's go for the whole deal
Beans: HAHAHAA
Emily: FINALLY i get a laugh out of the bean
Beans: yeah and it usually doesn't take much
Emily: and i was throwing out some gems earlier. i mean, "snooty fruit"? that's fuckin funny
Beans: true
Beans: which reminds me I had a great one earlier
Beans: Brittany goes "That is the best fruit I have ever had."
Beans: and I go no Joel is the best fruit you've ever had
Emily: hahahahahaha nice
Emily: nice beans
Beans: I thought so
Emily: i would have been like, "then you obviously haven't tried yourself yet"
Beans: Emily
Emily: what can i say, i've run the black jokes into the ground lately
Emily: now i'm turning on the gays
Beans: LOL
Emily: man i am on tonight. somebody should be sending this into NBC
Emily: they could use the charity
Beans: you are on fire
Emily: i'm on fire like effin michael jackson's head in 1985
Emily: but i don't need hair gel to keep me burnin
Beans: you are out of control
Emily: i'm out of control like southern churches on Klan night.
Beans: and you crossed the line love
Emily: IF I'M GOING DOWN I'M TAKING BLACKS, GAYS, AND LIBERALS WITH ME!!!!
Emily: aaaaaaaaaand scene.
Emily: *applause*
Beans: WOW
Emily: thank you, thank you. i'd like to thank everyone for coming out this late, that's a rap on "george bush hates everyone" for the night
Beans: Oh Trems
Emily: i think i just had an out-of-body experience
Emily: i feel like that kid in flight of the navigator
Emily: he fell down a hill and woke up 10 years later without aging, but everyone else had, and he went to his house, but his family didn't live there anymore, so they took him to the hospital, but they didn't know what was wrong, and he had to fly this crazy space ship and an alien ate his hat, but then he woke up again at the bottom of the hill and was totally fine.
Emily: i think that pretty much sums up my life right there
Emily: i'm at the people thinking i'm crazy and taking me to the hospital part right now
Beans: ok brb gotta head upstairs quick
Emily: again, i'm sorry for being me.
Beans: Sorry about that
Emily: no worries
Emily: i forgive you
Emily: i could go for a jesus joke there, but i've got more tact than that
Emily: just a little more
Beans: good to know
Emily: plus i have to much respect for you.
EMily: but mostly i just don't want to get yelled at
Beans: you make i sound like I have no sensse of humor and all I do is yell at you
Beans: I obviously have no spelling ability either lol
Emily: not yelled at by you
Emily: yelled at by god
Emily: you don't yell at me
Emily: you just give me The Look
Beans: lol
Emily: the "you've crossed a line and if you go any farther i'm going to smack you harder than bobby ever smacked whitney" look
Beans: LOL
Beans: that was awesome
Beans: I approve of that reference
Emily: it's soooooooo true though
Emily: good to know
Emily: *note to self* bobby smacking whitney is ok in christine's book
Beans: NO
Emily: hahaahahaha
Emily: gotcha
Beans: you twat
Emily: you know it
Emily: pole smoker
Beans: VIRGIN
Emily: you're one to talk...
Beans: true
Beans: but I was just following my own fab writing
Emily: i know, but i didn't have a good comeback, that's all i could think of
Beans: way to go point awarded to Beans
Emily: hey, this is not Wild 'N' Out
Emily: and if it is, i'm going to kill you in the rap battle
Beans: true
Emily: i'm listening to the monkees right now and trying really hard to find drug or Emily: but it's really fucking hard
Beans: nice
Emily: daydream believer's got nothing
Emily: unless cheer up is pot and homecoming queen is prostitute
Beans: you never know
Emily: davey jones was a wild little bitch
Emily: but i think mickey dolenz had him beat...
Beans: whatever you say Trems
Emily: have you ever seen him on boy meets world? the man did not age well...
Emily: i think he did some hardcore partying in his day
Beans: lol
Emily: i never realized that the only three monkees who still do public appearances were all on boy meets world
Beans: as interesting as this is I need some fucking sleep
Emily: alright
Emily: night beans
Beans: night Trems

i love when i have no idea what's going on. suck it, mental stability.

i'm really not an angry person...

i hate it when people judge me and have no right to
i hate when people make me feel guilty
i hate when people are self righteous
i hate when the bottoms of my socks get all pilly
i hate showers that don't stay at one temperature
i hate wet hair on cold mornings
i hate republicans who think they're better than you
i hate bill o'reilly
i hate when religion is used as a crutch
i hate feeling sick all the time
i hate how country my feet are
i hate being messy
i hate cleaning
i hate feeling stupid in classes that are important
i hate hearing bad things about people i like
i hate that my parents say they're liberal, but also say they'll disown me if i go vegetarian
i hate that i believe them
i hate socks in general
i hate when only part of my body is cold
i hate wanting a hug and not having a hugger
i hate not wanting a hug and people grabbing me anyway
i hate how i walk when i'm putting away my tray in the caf
i hate balancing things
i hate feeling guilty when i don't finish a pop or clean my plate
i hate that alarm clocks exist
i hate bad covers of amazing songs
i hate being away from chicago
i hate how my hands feel after i put gel in my hair
i hate that i can't dance
i hate that i know i fish for compliments, but don't stop
i hate drying off with a wet towel
i hate losing things, and i do it a lot
i hate running out of tape
i hate my bank
i hate my hair when it air dries
i hate that i love how cocky kanye west is

and in spite of all this, i had a really great day yesterday...

i love mini dance parties
i love making videos
i love grilled cheese
i love orange tums
i love bad 80's history videos
i love wearing clogs
i love snuggling in my bed and not sleeping
i love laughing for absolutely no reason, then laughing at the laughter
i love psychic roommate moments
i love america's funniest home videos
i love kenny rogers
i love "next week on..." teasers
i love finding videos i've been looking for
i love great music
i love singing loudly and badly
i love shower-fresh arms
i love bad WE lesbian movies
i love freak-out moments
i love mugby
i love random visits to friends
i love puns
i love a really good corndog
i love making plans and then abandoning them
i love plotting with my roommate
i love basketball shorts
i love sock monkeys
i love a really satisfying bathroom break
i love being loud and obnoxious
i love making obscene gestures in public
i love ranting about unripe fruit
i love when britt stands on benches, then pretends she's in a musical
i love fights that end in mocking
i love people who wear crowns
i love thursdays.

i'm amazing

so my class notes lately have been a little wacky, and i'd like to share with you my lates works of art...

Post Civil War US History
we've been talking about the railroads and the depressions they caused, and this is what came out:

after i finished, i decided he kind of looks like professor mann, christine's philosophy teacher.


this is self explainatory. but tell that to the girl who sits next to me...


World Civilizations -1500
we were talking about the Greek Dark Ages and how everyone lost their values and family had no meaning. (if you're having a hard time reading it, click it to make it bigger)



and finally...
Latin American History
we're watching The Mission. robert deniro is a slave trader who kills his brother and moves to a mission with jeremy irons. there's a scene where he's just climbed a waterfall with a suit of armor, and the natives throw it off a cliff. deniro cries. and looks like jesus. and doesn't even try to cover up his new york accent...


so that's what i do in class, along with taking endless notes.

please don't take this seriously

sometimes being anti-PC reduces stress...


Britt: jimmy crack corn an' i don't care

Britt: jimmy crack corn an' i don't care

Britt: jimmy crack corn an' i don't caaaaaaaaaaare

Britt: my master's gone awayyyyy

Emily: um, it's my massa

Emily: not my master

Emily: it's black thing, you probably don't get it

Britt: well i happen to be an edjucated negro

Emily: and i'm a getto bitch

Britt: i gradjamacated fum UCLA (university of compton library alley)

Emily: yah, well i went to malcom x college

Emily: which is real

Emily: on the south side of chicago

Britt: we're awful people

Britt: that's hot

Britt: that's like having a bob sagat college

Britt: motto:

Britt: CUT IT OUT

Emily: that's dave coulier, bitch.

Emily: and it's more like sam kinneson

Britt: LOL

Britt: omg

Britt: and you'd have to do the pledge of allegiance in a nasal screaming voice

Britt: i pledge allegiance to the FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG

Emily: of the united states of BOOZE AND CAR CRASHEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!

Britt: how about the bobcat goldthwait college of droppin' out

Emily: ksajbuhBFVUAGBAIUBGboivbaoibIOBOIBOF

Britt: or like... kenny loggins elementary

Britt: martha stewart juvenile correctional facility

Emily: how about....... bobby brown institute of pulling things out of whitney's ass

Britt: "now the first thing you gotta do is get a grip on it."

Britt: Shit Grabbing 101

Britt: advanced Shit Grabbing 204

Emily: that's when you get the constipated coke heads

Britt: prerequesite: hand washing 107

Britt: electives: crack smoking 400

Britt: pool shooting 270

Britt: remedial english 100

Emily: ebonycs 221

Britt: man i feel so anti PC today that i'm gonna go there....

Britt: That's right

Britt: Accounting 600 at the Streisand and Weinstein College of Jewish Arts

Britt: Babushka Knitting 101

Britt: bread twisting 300

Britt: Living in New York 305

Emily: chair hoisting 212

Britt: bottle smashing

Emily: gefilte 314

Britt: chavas for dummies 202

Britt: Getting over your pork addiction: 12 step program

Emily: so you were a christian? we can fix that... 402

Britt: lol

Britt: Rubbing your Hands Together Greedily 508

Emily: being mel brooks 345

Britt: The Philosophy of Barbara 201

Emily: jon stewart as a historical figure 265

Britt: how about "Cory Feldman's School for Suburban White Kids"

Britt: Nickelodeon 101

Emily: britney spears teaches land-a-man

Emily:and then, how to deal with a lazy bum

Britt: High Tops with Capris

Britt: Lunch box choices

Britt: Conformity 212

Emily: being a skank at 11

Britt: Slaggin' off

Emily: midriffs 101

Britt: Baby raisin'

EMily: making baby fat look like boobs

Britt: Boners and what not to do with thm

priceless.

i finally have a quotable professor. it really just brightens my day. walter sargent, my Post Civil War US History teacher reminds me of my dad, and he keeps throwing out these really od one-liners and stuff. i finally started writing them down today. if you're not a history nerd you may not think they're that funny, but whatever.

"The railroad... uh... monopolies... are... uh... the octopus that's trying to strangle... America... yah."
"I mean, you take a guy like Vanderbilt. He just fell into a hundred million. His son William, not senior. The old Commodor made all the money, he was a fiesty dude."
*trying to figure out the overhead* "this is gettin a little tweaky. i'm not a fan of all this technology crap. just look at my website."

i don't care, i think he's funny. speaking of random hilarious things, i love cold, confused minne people. especially cute ones.

so i talked to my mom last night, and i think she was drunk, because she just kept throwin stuff out there like it was her job. i'll give you the rundown...
*note, my parents call me weez, short for weezbojeezyak*

"well, emmy, if you do run for office, don't tell anyone you went to chippendales. it's not like with clinton, you can't just say you didn't inhale..."

"mike, don't tell the kids about dropping acid. i don't think matt's even tried pot yet."

"well, it's springtime and i'm getting eye rashes..." *this is from last april, but i decided to throw it in there...*

"i don't know what your dad's telling you about Nam, but his job was to travel ahead of the generals to scope out the hotels and pick the best hookers."

"you know, that damn dog's crazier than i am. and i was a hippie."

"you think you had it tough at home? try living with a stuffy stay-at-home country club republican. hell, you've met grandma."

"damn it weez, i always used to hate finding your pickle in the freakin hamper. you were such an absentminded little bitch."

"i'm going to tell you this now, and i want you to remember it. if you ever get... you know... hungry... like late at night or something... you get what i'm saying here? of course you do. anyway, the best thing in this situation is hashbrowns. cheesy, greasy hashbrowns. there you go, weez. you'll thank me later."

see? crazy, man. no wonder i'm so screwed up.