Betsy and Emily's Reasons Why Not

1. he has a girlfriend (like that was a big surprise...)
2. he chews on his finger nails
3. wears wrap-around-the-back headphones. and with his head, that isn't a good thing. besides, they're really big and ugly.
4. has chalky hands all the time. that don't feel good...
5. wears a funky purple shirt => possible silk blend. ick.
6. looks like he wants to be called "Fido" when he sits to watch a movie because he holds his pen in in his mouth like a bone.
7. only owns 3 pairs of pants.
8. only 3 pairs of shoes, as well.
9. probably looks horrible without gel in his hair: "Kraut Fro"
10. drinks way too much coffee, which can only mean two things. bladder issues later in life, and shrunken testicles (betsy saw it on the discovery channel)
11. therefore, no sex drive. (insert betsy crying here)
12. all signs point to bad singer
13. more than likely utilizes the "white man's overbite" at parties.
14. betsy thinks his coat is ugly.

join my tent city?

i'm going to go buy a tent today. a big tent with multiple rooms and a big secure flap. i'm going to fashion a sign out of the empty pop boxes i have around my room that says

KEEP OUT
HISTORY MAJOR IN PROGRESS

then i'm going to go set up the tent at the couches on 2nd Minne and fucking live there for the rest of my life. i can buy those shower cloth things and just use the bathroom to freshen up everyday.

it just seems like the only option to me.

everyone can come visit me in my tent. i'll welcome friends as a nice break from all the indigenous creatures (history and sociology professors). when they get too close to my tent i will throw Mugby Junction coupons across the hall as a distraction, and while they're not looking i will de-tent and hide behind the couches before they know what hit them.

so if a stop showing up in the quad to sleep and shower, you know where i am. come and have a woodland dance party with me in my tent.

oh man

colby ristow is wearing jeans today.

that's hot.

me vs. the cheese curds

man i love to people watch. minne is extremely conduscive to it, as well. i've only been in here for about 10 or 15 minutes, and i've already seen some amazing weirdos. but that's what you get when the history, sociology, criminal justice, and poli sci classes are all in one building. amazing.

it just got really cold in here becuase of all the people rushing in and out. SLOW DOWN EVERYBODY!!! THERE'S GOING TO BE AN ACCIDENT!!!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!
oh minne. what a great place.

man, lactose is like my worst enemy in the entire world right now. betsy brought me some amazing cheese curds from some cheese factory in wisconsin yesterday, and i ate some, and they are not my friend. i guess it's back to calcium chews and multi vitimins. i'm so glad i have tums in my backpack.

and i'm sure you all really wanted to hear about that. moving on...

ok, i'm moving to different couches. this is rediculous. no i'm not, that was rediculous.

ugh.

mmmmm, chimis.

i want to touch intimately the person who came up with the idea of buying food at a restaurant and taking it home to eat later. because at this very moment i am eating chicken tenders, french fries, mini chimis, onion rings, and mozzeralla sticks. and because it's the weekend it's totally fine that all this is happening at 2am.

so anyway, i'd just like to tell you all that i love the weekends. i love sleeping until noon, not having to be anywhere at a certain time, eating at odd hours, seeing people i wouldn't see during the week, etc.

at the same time... i hate sundays. today i have to go to a chamber music concert because what's-his-face turned 250 on friday. not too happy about it. especially since i have to go by myself. i'm not mean enough to make any of my friends go to this crap. don't get me wrong, i don't hate classical music, not at all. but i'd rather listen to it on my terms, that's all.

i think that's pretty much all that i have to talk about right now. pretty boring, eh? well, that's just how i role.

i guess...

well, none of you asked for it, but i'm a nice person, so here they are... the answers to my movie trivia game. i can't believe only one person guessed on ONE MOVIE. at least they got it right...

MATILDA

1. Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.
-Probably one of the best family movies I’ve ever seen. It’s smart and funny, and totally genuine. Probably the peak of Mara Wilson’s career, but it’s a good peak to have. Best scene: after fully realizing her powers, matilda spends her day zooming things around the house, cleaning, and having a dance party with her mom’s knick knacks to Rusted Root’s Send Me On My Way.

THE GOONIES

2. This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
-so-called cult hit of the 80’s that rocks my socks. I own it, but if it comes on tv I will still drop everything to watch it. I suggest you go rent it now, if you haven’t scene it. Best scene: buccaneer Sloth swinging in to save the day, dressed as a 2nd grade pirate, ripping his shirt open to reveal a Superman symbol.
3. Don't give me this bullshit about Murphy's Law. If I run into Murphy, I'm gonna kick him right in the balls.

DEATH TO SMOOCHY

4. Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketuh racketuh, it was all about the work. Especially Jesus.
-hilarious DARK comedy about kiddie show corruption. Not for the faint of heart. In my opinion it’s one of Robin Williams’ greatest performances ever, he’s nothing short of brilliant as a psychotic host who looses his last bit of sense when he’s busted for payola. Best scene: the confrontation in mopes/rainbow’s apartment. After a short scuffle, robin’s character gives into the fact that smoochy cannot be beaten, and crosses over to rhino-dom. His account of Nora’s days as a kiddie host groupie is the stuff of dreams.

MONSOON WEDDING

5. So then call him instead of Vikram. Now please go inside before these aunties come out and start dancing on our heads.
-not gonna lie, only saw about half of this, but it was incredibly moving and incredibly well done. The music and scenery is beautiful, and the acting is amazing. Best scene: (in the first 45 minutes) the power goes out and Dubey tries to show off for the family’s servant. Perfect.

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS

6. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds man? It goes against science. You wanna be the guy who goes against science?
-I know what you’re all thinking… honestly? I think this movie is really funny and really well done. AND HONEST. I’m not the biggest josh hartnet fan, but he plays a sheepish sex addict really well. Best Scene: matt (hartnet) is hallucinating during sex, seeing a black hole above his head. He can’t get there one night with a girl and (really badly) fakes an orgasm. She demands “proof” so he runs out to find something. As she walks out of the bedroom he tries to ditch the empty condom by throwing it out the window and misses, getting it stuck on the glass.

MAC AND ME

7. It's Eric's friend Mom, the one he's been trying to tell us about. They caught him in the vacuum cleaner.
-one of the worst made and worst scripted children’s movies of all time, but once you see it, the horrible-ness overtakes you and you’re caught. Wheelchair-bound eric finds an alien that’s been separated from its family, and takes it in, but has to find the others before it’s too late. Best scene: eric and his new friend are invited to a birthday party at mcdonals, but they can’t leave mac the alien at home. They dress him in a teddy bear costume and tell people he’s got microchips and that’s how he moves. At mcdonald’s the freaking alien starts a dance party, with choreography and everything. and Ronald mcdonald shows up. The movie box actually has this on the box “and… featuring a RARE CAMEO from Ronald McDonald!!” I nearly lost it.

SAVED!

8. Piss off, asshole! Oh, and another thing? No more muffins for you! The muffin shop is closed!
-deals with the issue of jesus and religion and god and faith with satire and compassion. Everyone from hardcore Christians to atheists love this movie. And macauly culkin makes an amazing comeback as a cynical paralysis victim. Kudos, mac. Best scene: Cassandra fakes a spiritual awakening during morning assembly, by convulsing and speaking in tongues. Eventually mandy moore reveals to the audience that, in fact, Cassandra is admitting to having a hot pussy.

DOGMA

9. Heh, me lead you? Lady look at me, I don't even know where the hell I am half the time!
-another movie addressing religion… sort of. The cast is perfect, and the gay sexual tension between matt and ben is very real, and very hot. Alan Rickman also delivers a hilarious departure from his usual straight-man character. Best scene: bartleby and loki pass judgment on board room full of corrupt executives, exposing their every secret to each other. This sequence brings out the best of the master/follower relationship the two have.

BOONDOCK SAINTS

10. So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.
-willem Dafoe is incredible. He is the perfect smarmy detective with a secret. He makes one butt-ugly woman, though. In a scathing pass at who is allowed to judge, this movie will make you think, while entertaining you beyond belief. Best scene: only one problem… it’s deleted. So if you can, get the DVD. Connor and Murphy are nursing their wounds after a bar brawl, when their mother unexpectedly calls. It’s st. Patrick’s day, so she’s a little sloshed. She proceeds to fire a gun, faking suicide, sending the brothers into a panic. Eventually things are figured out, and the scene ends with a bang. The twins ask, once and for all, which of them is older. Mamma McManus gives them the best of all possible answers… “the one with the bigger cock… HAH!”

LEON (THE PROFESSIONAL)

11. I am writing here the name of a girl in the class who makes me sick. If things get hot, she'll take the heat.
-I can’t say enough about this movie. Honestly. The three main characters give oscar-calibur performances in one of the best hit man movies ever made. Jean reno (Leon) is a “cleaner” living down the hall from 12 year old Natalie Portman (Mathilda). When her family is killed by gary oldman (Stansfield, who makes one of the best villains in the business, bar none) she goes to reno for help. He will teach her to “clean,” and she will help him out with whatever else he needs. Best Scene: as Mathilda escapes a raid by the FBI, which Stansfield just happens to run, reno is gunned down. Stansfield stands over Leon gloating, and as he lays dying, he hands stansfield something. He takes it, and as he looks at the grenade pin in his hand, Leon says “this is for mathilda.” BOOM. Amazing.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS

12. You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.
-it’s a trip. ‘nuff said. Benicio del Toro is amazing. Best scene: Duke and Dr. Gonzo pick up a hitchhiker (really well acted by Tobey Maguire) and scare the crap out of him, when the hitchhiker is the who should instill fear.

BEST IN SHOW

13. This is my euphemism, Stefan.
-christopher guest is a comedic genius, done and done. John Michael Higgins an Michael McKeon are brilliant as the gay Shi Tzu trainer/handler couple who, despite their quirks, may be the most functional couple in the dog show Mocumentary. Best Scene: The Swan couple from Moordale, IL who have brought their weimeraner Beatrice, but have lost her comfort toy Busy Bee in the hotel. Meg takes the hotel manager and two maids to look for it but it’s no where to be found. After threatening the maids with deportation and insulting the manager (Ed Begley Jr.), she begins ranting about how they “obviously don’t know my daaaaag! Stupid… hotel… manager!!”

A KNIGHT'S TALE

14. Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.
-a very underrated movie, simply because it has heath ledger in it. Ignore that for a second and watch the other performances, especially Paul Bettany as Geoffrey Chaucer. The character is perfect, and the writing of his speeches, and more than that the movie in general, is extremely well done, it’s hard to make that period interesting. Also, pay close attention to the music. A really good score, and an intriguing mix of instrumental and contemporary music to give the whole thing a great feel. Best scene: oh man, the big dance scene. No lie. A giant choreographed English dance, that turns into a Funk Fest to end all Funk Fests. Amazing.

ABOUT A BOY

15. And there I was killing them softly with my song. Or rather being killed. And not so softly either.
-hugh grant’s best role to date. He says it’s the one that’s most like him in real life, and I believe it. Watch for a really great performance by toni collette as the suicidal mother of a weird teenager who befriends hugh’s character. Another movie with some great music… the whole thing was done by Badly Drawn Boy. Best Scene: Will (Grant) starts going to S.P.A.T. (single parents alone together) to meet women, after deciding that single moms are a godsend. He makes up a son, Ned, who is eerily intelligent for a two year old, and tries to impress the other women.

TRAINSPOTTING

16. Phew! I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!
-Irvine Welsch is an amazing author, and if you likes this please go out and read his books, you won’t be able to put them down. This movie can get a bit graphic and disgusting at times, but then again so can the life of a junkie. A great, very accurate portrayal (like I’d know) of life addicted to heroine. And Ewan McGregor is just bloody brilliant. Best Scene: Rents and Sick Boy are spending a day in the park and terrorize the other people there with a BB Gun. While impersonating Sean Connery they shoot a pit bull in the ass so it attack’s it’s master.

ROBIN HOOD (DISNEY ANIMATED VERSION)

17. I am Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney. And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid.
-I know, another kids movie, but this is, in my opinion, the best animated Disney movie of all time. Big ups to the singing rooster at the beginning, he was always my favorite. At one point I wanted to drop out of elementary school to become a roving minstrel. My dad was really supportive. Best scene: after the archery contest, a rager is held at Robin Hood’s forest pad, complete with washtub band and puppet show. I would have gone to that party…

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND

18. I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns onstage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator.
-Chuck Barris is fucking crazy, and I love it. My advice, read the book first (yah it was a book, and a good one). George Clooney has a great eye for directing, and this is a shining example. After I saw this Sam Rockwell quickly became one of my favorite actors, playing the gonged-out Gong Show host who doubled as a CIA assassin. He was a ray of hope as the good-guy-turned-bad-guy in Charlie’s Angels, and realized his full potential in this gem. Best scene: the auditions and clips of the gong show where sam is hosting. The hats, the dancing, the amazing crazy. You can’t get enough.

THE PIRATE MOVIE

19. Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.
-probably the worst movie musical ever made, but as soon as you see it, you’ll know why it’s up here. Kristy McNichol dreams Pirates of Penzance with her and Christopher Atkins as Mabel and Frederic. They sing, they dance, they perry, they thrust, they make you want to hurl. The tagline of this movie? Buckle Your Swash and Jolly Your Roger for the Funniest Rock 'N Rollickin' Adventure Ever! They ain’t lyin! Best scene: the first big musical number, it just sets the stage for the wonder that is to come.

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY

20. Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
-it’s not a chick flick, I swear. Some of the best writing in a romantic comedy… ever. I know, everyone has a hard time believing Harry is 22 at the beginning, but what are you going to do? Meg Ryan is amazingly narcotic, and pre-fish lips. Big ups to anyone who can correctly quote her salad and pie ordering scene. Best scene: of course, the fake orgasm. It’s such an out-of-character moment for Sally, you almost believe that she might be a little wild under there. And the way she goes back to her food like nothing happens… brilliant. Plus that old lady who wants what she’s having. I love her.

1776

21. A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake, I'd accept with some despair. But no, You sent us Congress! Good God, Sir, was that fair?
-we go from the worst movie-musical, to by far the best. Not very widely known, but ever history major, if not every person on the planet, should see this. Note: George Freakin Feeny (William Daniels) plays John Adams. And ROCKS IT. Oh man, guess what high school Corey Matthews went to… but anyway. It’s amazingly well written, and the music, if you actually listen, is hilarious. Best scene: John and gang argue over the writing credits for the constitution.

THE MEXICAN

22. By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives.
-everyone in the world hated this movie except me, and I’m totally ok with that. Brad Pitt is hilarious as a bumbling idiot package boy, and Julia Roberts makes a great demanding girlfriend. But by far the biggest standout performance is James Gandolfini, who plays a gay hitman that falls in love with a postal worker while driving Julia to her doom. Best scene: Julia and James sit in a diner discussing their sex life and Julie outs him.

LITTLE BIG MAN

23. Well, Jack. Now you know. This is a house of ill fame. And I'm a fallen flower. This life is not only wicked and sinful. It isn't even any fun.
-another history major must-see. Dustin Hoffman is a white man raised by Indians who has to confront his true heritage and his feelings about his adoptive family. All the while, Custer is trying to tear the whole thing apart. Best scene: the interview scenes with Dustin as an old man. Way before the amazing makeup of today’s cinema, it’s beautifully done and very convincing.

BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS

24. It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?
-Mary Poppins ripoff, you say? Well did Mary freakin Poppins have enchanted suits of armor beating up Nazis, or an animated animal soccer match? Yah, didn’t think so. She can take her spoon full of sugar and cram it down her throat. Best scene: honestly, this movie is such a trip that nothing stands out as that much better than the other parts. Everyone should see this movie. The whole thing. Brilliant.

TWELFTH NIGHT

25. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
-I’m usually not a fan of Shakespeare on the Silver Screen (sorry Kenneth Branaugh…) but this is just so well done and well cast, I can’t help but give it some props. Helena Bonham Carter is incredible, but the real random surprise is Sir Ben Kingsly as the house jester. Who knew he could play a lute. Best scene: the big reveal at the end. All of the tension and sex and love that’s built up since the beginning is exploded in a glorious “outing.” Nothing is better than that.

SAY ANYTHING

26. Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I've been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later.
-John Cusack makes a great downtrodden everyman, and is at his best in this. Genuine, funny, the guy you knew in high school that all the girls loved, but never dated. Ione Skye has always annoyed me a little bit, but she’s bearable here. I love John Mahoney, in a huge departure from his normal roles, as her thieving, conniving, asshole of a father, who thinks he’s doing what’s best. Joan Cusack is great as John’s understated single mom older sister. Best Scene: this infamous… Diane (Skye) has broken up with Lloyd(Cusack) on her father’s recommendation, but he refuses to believe she doesn’t love him, so he stands outside her window with a stereo over this head, playing the song they first made love to, Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes.

3 NINJAS *THIS IS THE ONLY MOVIE THAT WAS GUESSED!!!!!*

27. I'm Colt because I'm fast, he's Rocky because he's solid and he's Tum-Tum because he'll eat anything.
-in the age of Chuck Norris and the Karate Kid, this was inevitable. Three young Americans spend way to much time with their ninja grandfather and develop super huge egos. So when criminals try to take over, they’re ready to fight them off. Best scene: thieves try to break into the grandfather’s house, and the boys fight them off Home Alone style, with a few Aayah”s stuck in there.

MY GIRL

28. I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.
-Vada Sultenfuss is one of the greatest characters in American cinema. When I was little all I wanted to be was her. She was cool, she had a goldfish, she lived in a funeral home, her best friend was a boy, and she had the coolest step mom on the planet. But the thing that always gets me is the emotional journey. She’s the most grown-up 11 year old in the world. But she doesn’t hold it over your head, and that’s why it works. Best scene: sappy, I know, but at the end of the movie when she reads her weeping willow poem about Thomas J. at the adult poetry class. It’s not Walt Whitman, but coming from her, it’s huge.

THE SURE THING

29. Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Yeah, Nick. Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick.
-Another John Cusack 80’s movie. What can I say. This time he’s Walter “Gib” Gibson, a college student in search of the perfect no strings attached one night stand. The thing is, it’s in California with his friend Lance (a full head of hair Anthony Edwards). So he gets a travel buddy, Alison Bradbury (Daphne Zuniga) and falls in love with her. Big surprise there, eh? Anyway, it’s a good laugh, with great sexual tension and awkward conversation. Best scene: the first conversation, about stars on the room of one of the campus buildings. Classic.

BILLY ELLIOT

30. Don't know. Sorta feels good. Sorta stiff and that, but once I get going... then I like, forget everything. And... sorta disappear. Sorta disappear. Like I feel a change in my whole body. And I've got this fire in my body. I'm just there. Flyin' ike a bird. Like electricity. Yeah, like electricity.
-SEE THIS MOVIE. Clear your head beforehand, don’t go in with any preconceived notions of the plot and conversation. I watched this in my English class my senior year of high school, and I will forever thank Dr. Fischer for that. Billy Elliot combines the struggle of a boy to be recognized by his family, and the struggle of his family to be recognized by the company they are striking against. Riots, ballet, boxing, this has it all. And the grandmother can be freakin hilarious sometimes. Best scene: Billy goes to his dance teacher’s house, and the daughter, who’s in Billy’s ballet class, tries to get in his knickers, with one of the best lines I have ever heard: “If you want, I’ll show you me fanny.” “Nah, I’m alright.”

creative-types wanted

andrea is a cool chick.

i'm sitting in minne. as usual. this biulding is starting to become really comfortable. i like it in here. i recognize all the professors, i recognize a lot of the students. i don't know, it easy to sit in here for hours. and you know what? i hardly ever see fancy pants anymore, so those of you who were thinking that can suck it.

i want to write a movie script. i don't know what it would be about, but i think i could write a good movie. so if anyone has an idea for a movie, let me know. maybe i'll give you a little credit when i'm famous.

me. not in a nutshell.

i'm feeling very odd and nostalgic right now. maybe that why i'm listening to bad 90's music and stuff that reminds me of 2002. what? yah, anyway. i have realized in this exact moment that i only miss 5 people i was friends with in high school, and they're the ones i see every time i go home. no one else matters. i have all these blogs and myspaces and facebooks and what have you, and i think "what are people from high school going to think when they see this? will they finally think that i'm cool?" and i hate that feeling. i've had it for 13 years now, and something about tonight has made me stop and think about how stupid that is. i have no reason to impress those people. they don't spend their time wondering what i think, and if they do they're fucking losers. it smells like onions in here. anyway, i'm sick of trying to impress people, sick of putting up a false representation of myself. so right here, in print, i'm going to tell you about myself. it's going to be a list, as so many of my blogs are these days, and it's going to be stuff i really don't want people to know, but it's part of who i am, so you get to see it. i don't want secrets anymore. so here goes...

1. i am really loud. it's an effort for me to keep things at normal volume. i got in troube a lot in pre school and elementary school for this. so by junior high, i just stopped talking during school, and a lot of teachers thought i was slow. honestly. so i think that's why i got into singing. i was supposed to be loud.

2. i have dyslexia. just with numbers, but still. it's one of the reasons i've never done well with math.

3. i also have adhd. these first three things all kind of play into each other, and over the years i have learned how to hide all three, and pretend not to have them. but doing so has just made them worse. i actually have exercises i do for both that have really helped me.

4. i'm pretty much nocturnal. i'm sure katie hates it, but i love the solitude of 2 and 3 in the morning. it's my time. that's when i'm at my most productive.

5. i'm really interested in photography, but i don't have the patience for it. that's why i like digital. good for my adhd head.

6. sometimes i pick my nose and wipe it on the seam of my jeans. don't worry, i also wash my jeans really carefully if i have done this, and i really don't do it that much anymore. but when i was little i used to pick my nose and scrape it into my pocket. my mom would find it when she was checking my pants for the laundry and yell at me. then she started making me empty my pockets on my own.

7. i love to dance, but i'm HORRIBLE at it. but it's just so much fun. and i have a hard time keeping still, so i'll pretty much do it anywhere.

8. my feet used to smell really bad. reeeeaaaaaallllyyy bad. i use medicated soap now, and it's all good. it's because when i was about 9 i started a rebellion against socks. i've always hated socks, they really agrivate my claustrphobia (which i have REALLY bad, i get it from my mom. i freak out in elevators and walk in closets sometimes.). so for about 4 years i wouldn't wear socks EVER and it messed up my sweat glands a little. now i wear socks most of the time, but i have to buy the extended sizes ones so they're loose, and if i can i go sockless. that's why i have like 80 pairs of flip flops.

9. speaking of shoes...... i go through phases. i will wear a shoe for about 2 straight weeks, everyday. then, all of a sudden, one day i'll decided to wear something else, and the cycle continues. that's why i buy so many new pairs, i run out of options.

10. i have 4 very distinct laughs. a. the weez. it's the same laugh my dad has, also where he got his nickname for me (weezbojeezyak, but that's another story). when something is so funny i don't make noise anymore. the weez also sometimes accompanies b. the hearty laugh. when something is funny enough to make me laugh hard, but i can regain composure if i need to. c. the snort. it's not just one, it's the "things moving from my throat to my nose" laugh. usually done in class, or when i need to contain myself. c. the giggle. exactly what it is. not used very often, except in minne sometimes, or when i'm feeling really girly.

11. i've always secretly resented my older brother. he's a straight a student, he's a runner, he's always been healthy, he's the goodlooking maguire, he's always had a job, a great personal life, my parents have always kind of coveted him and put him on a pedestal. when he left for college i had a really hard time for a while. i had always modeled myself after him, he was my idol. i went through a bit of a downward spiral, and briefly fell into some bad stuff. my friends were good enough to help me out of that. but to this day my parents still compare me to him, and i'll always be very different from him. we've become very close now, and i admire him a lot, but we're two different people.

12. i don't want kids because i'm afraid i'd ruin them. i had what i thought was a good childhood, but i'm kind of messed up because of it, and because of my parents. i think with all my issues my kids would be terrible.

13. i feel stupid all the time. see 1-3. plus, ALL of my friends are very intelligent, so i've put myself into the dumb funny friend role.

14. i've always liked being unique and original and a little weird, bizarre even, but when that's all people know me as, it hurts. i can be sensitive, and wise, and heartfelt, and introspective, and yes, even quiet every once in a while. but a lot of the time i don't feel comfortable showing that because it's not how people know me.

15. one of my favorite things is being quoted. i love that.

16. when people don't completely erase a chalkboard, i have a panic attack. no lie.

17. i'm afraid to try new things, but i tell people i'm not.

18. i don't have multiple personalities, but my moods are so extreme that people have labeled them as different people. here is the complete list:
Emily- just regular, witty, funny, easy to get along with, around most of the time.
Adalaide-polite and demure, usually present when there are adults around. she is very proper, and catches most people off guard with how shy and quiet she is. usually who i am in class.
Julia Dean-kinda country, when all of a sudden an accent comes out, you know who it is.
Starkeesha-the ghetto chi-town fly girl. a bit abrasive, but generally well behaved. loves jay-z, kanye, and usher.
Audry-bitchy. su fi pissed off mode. when she's angry, look out. i get this way around finals week, racist people, homophobes, and my mom.
Pickle-loud, obnoxious, strange, nonsensical, random, makes noises. late at night or when i'm drunk, this is what comes out.

freaked out yet? no? let's move on...

19. i think about my Grandmom dying a lot. she's the hub of the family, and when she goes, i'm worried we'll all lose each other. and i don't want that. she holds my southern roots, and i don't think i'd be me without her and my aunts&uncles.

20. i can't keep my legs still. at night while i'm trying to sleep i rock them back and forth. it calms me down and helps me relax.

21. i don't like my mom very much sometimes. i know this is really mean and horrible, but she's done a lot of things that have made life really hard for me. i know this blog is about truth and revealing things, but some of it i need to keep to myself.

22. i hate turning on the front porch light at my house. it gives me really big shocks, and i don't like it. this is also the reason i hate driving my mom's car.

23. i can't sleep when it's even remotely warm. i like to snuggle in blankets, so it needs to be kind of cold out for me to be comfortable.

24. i hate shopping because i'm fat. clothes never fit me, people look at me weird, and nothing looks good on me. this also plays into another fact about myself...

25. i hate everything about the way i look except my hair and eyes. i especially hate my mouth, for some reason.

26. the futures scares the hell out of me, and sometimes i miss high school.

27. i hate how big my boobs are. that's all anyone used to talk about, and big gay nathan pissed the hell out of me that day... i don't want to be big boobies rand mcnally anymore. but at the same time, i use them to get out of speeding tickets.

28. sometimes when i'm with my friends i'll pretend to be on the phone with someone else so i don't have to listen to how stupid they can be. this is a dangerous thing to admit about myself, but people need to know that sometimes i just don't care.

29. i have always been the go to friend when people have a problem they need advice on, but i'm probably the worst one to ask.

30. i'm partially deaf in my right ear. i think it's 60% or something. i don't know. the dr. who told me was standing on my right. dumb ass.

31. i sing in the showers at school, and i don't care if people walk in.

32. i HATE mushrooms. i will not touch food that has been on the same plate as mushrooms. don't ever try to get one near me. i will cut you. i'm getto like that.

33. another thing about food. i'm really obsessive about what foods can touch each other. if i have eaten a particularly juicy cut of meat and now want a serving of potatoes, i will take a napkin and wipe of my plate completely before putting down the new food. my dad always laughs at me when i do this. and then he stacks his bones like lincoln logs.

34. my dad is my favorite person in the world, but he scares me sometimes. he yells a lot. mostly at UK and Bengals games, but when i'm really in trouble i'm honestly afraid to be in the same room with him. his lectures could cave a trained hostage. he was never very affectionate when i was little, he never hugged me, but... ok this one is weird and i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea...

35. when i was little i used to have problems sleeping. our neighbors got robbed and i was really afraid it would happen to us. so my dad would lay in bed with me until i fell asleep. well, more like until he fell asleep, then i would try to match his breathing, then i would fall asleep, and he'd go back to his room. i've never felt safer than those nights. he stopped doing that when i was 8. now when he sees me he always puts a hand on my head. something about it reminds me of the happy nights. the first time i can actually remember him hugging me was the day he left me on my first night in sheehan. he cried.

36. i'm crying right now.

37. i hate when my hair gets pinched in my headphones. in my opinion it ruins the music listening experience.

38. george w. bush makes me physically sick. so does bill o'reilly. i tried to watch the o'reilly factor once because i think it's important to look at both sides of things, but i couldn't make it through the whole show. i started to cry because it was so horrible and one-sided.

39. i hate it when people assume that all southerners are stupid and racist, and still believe in the confederacy. that makes me feel really inadequate and cornered. i've had teachers who've told jokes about the south because we're up north, and think it's nothing. like no southerner would be smart enough to come to college. well fuck you. i may always feel stupid, but i have my moments.

40. i think this will be the last one for now. when i'm drifing off to sleep i make up stories in my head about perfect scenarios and how i wish things really worked. a lot of the time they involve a celebrity or a boy i have a crush on saving me, or being sick and us having to go through it all. i don't know, i write little movies in my head at night. sometimes i'll stay awake for hours doing it, even when i know i should be asleep. like now..........

you officially know more about me than my parents. congratulations. now that you have this information, use it wisely.

shameless... just shameless.

betsy and my obssesion with colby ristow has reached a fever pitch, as evident by the following.

1. we found out he lives in the winona area, and are now looking into ways of finding his house.
2. betsy switched into my latin american history class
3. she was "glowing" when she came out of his office
4. we have checked the minnesota, michigan, and illinois registered sex offender sites for his name, just to make sure.
5. we know why wee need to check all three of those states
6. we know what his dissertation proposal was when he went for his PhD
7. we know when and where he went for his PhD
8. we know the ethnic origin of his last name
9. we know his middle name
10. his office hours are burned into our brains
11. we have favorite outfits
12. he keeps his shoes in a neat little line in his office, and that's hot
13. sombreros turn me on now
14. spanish is now the sexiest language on the planet
15. salt and pepper hair is gasm-worthy
16. stalking hi to mugby is not out of the question
17. we plan our outfits around t/th classes
18. spending hours in minne just for a split second view of him bending over at the water fountain is totally worth it
19. we have determined what kind of underpants he wears
20. and finally, we have 19 things in a list that make us qualify as stalkers.

obscure movie trivia time!!!

here's how it works. i pull out random quotes from my favorite movies of all time, and you try and guess what movies they're from, and post your answers in a comment. they may be big movies, they may be little ones that no one else ever saw. either way, after doing this you should go rent and watch all of them. you ready?

1. Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.

2. This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.

3. Don't give me this bullshit about Murphy's Law. If I run into Murphy, I'm gonna kick him right in the balls.

4. Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketuh racketuh, it was all about the work. Especially Jesus.

5. So then call him instead of Vikram. Now please go inside before these aunties come out and start dancing on our heads.

6. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds man? It goes against science. You wanna be the guy who goes against science?

7. It's Eric's friend Mom, the one he's been trying to tell us about. They caught him in the vacuum cleaner.

8. Piss off, asshole! Oh, and another thing? No more muffins for you! The muffin shop is closed!

9. Heh, me lead you? Lady look at me, I don't even know where the hell I am half the time!

10. So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.

11. I am writing here the name of a girl in the class who makes me sick. If things get hot, she'll take the heat.

12. You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

13. This is my euphemism, Stefan.

14. Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.

15. And there I was killing them softly with my song. Or rather being killed. And not so softly either.

16. Phew! I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!

17. I am Sir Reginald, Duke of Chutney. And don't stick your tongue out at me, kid.

18. I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns onstage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator.

19. Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.

20. Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.

21. A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake, I'd accept with some despair. But no, You sent us Congress! Good God, Sir, was that fair?

22. By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives.

23. Well, Jack. Now you know. This is a house of ill fame. And I'm a fallen flower. This life is not only wicked and sinful. It isn't even any fun.

24. It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?

25. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

26. Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I've been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later.

27. I'm Colt because I'm fast, he's Rocky because he's solid and he's Tum-Tum because he'll eat anything.

28. I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.

29. Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Yeah, Nick. Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick.

30. Don't know. Sorta feels good. Sorta stiff and that, but once I get going... then I like, forget everything. And... sorta disappear. Sorta disappear. Like I feel a change in my whole body. And I've got this fire in my body. I'm just there. Flyin' ike a bird. Like electricity. Yeah, like electricity.


good luck!!!! the person who gets the most right wins an AMAZING prize.

hate to see you go, but love to watch you leave...

wow, two people read this. that's more than i thought. well, thanks to both of you. i know this is boring drivle, so woohoo.

i have cuts all ove

yah, i'm stopping in the middle of that sentence to acknowledge the fact that ristow just walked past, and i actually did stop in the middle, and drool for a second. granted he was going to the bathroom, and that's not really a turn on, but whatever. and when you drink as much coffee as he does, you tend to pee a lot. so back to what i was saying before...

i have cuts all over my left hand, and i don't know what they're from. i've noticed them in the last couple days because i've been typing a lot, so they're really obvious. it's like freakin stigmata man, weird. I HATE SECOND SEMESTER!!!! this is going to kick my ass so bad. i can see it now. all of a sudden my blogs and websites will lay dormant, and they will find me dead and decaying behind one of the couches on second minne. i don't think my parents will be too happy about that. oh well, maybe katie will get a 4.0 then. or is it just when your roommate commits suicide? i think i need to look that up. i feel bad for her right now. she's really sick, and she's got 18 credits, too, and today was her hard day, and she had like a soc class, 2 econimics classes, and an accounting

oh, sorry, he just walked back. ooooooooooooo

and an accounting class. and she's been going to bed at 9, and then i feel bad staying up to do homework or typing on the computer, so i've been going to bed early too, but i'm not used to getting that much sleep, so i'm all groggy and grumpy during the day. plus, i really haven't been eating, so i kind of almost passed out in music today. beans yelled at me. more like a stern talking to. so i got all excited when we went to lunch today, but all i could manage to eat was a sliver of pizza and a couple fries. i think we're going to order erbs and gerbs tonight, which will be nice. i wonder if i can eat a whole sandwich...

I'M BORED WITH YOU!

i'm going back to my stories.

the lament of second semester

the viscious cycle of the last year and a half is starting to repeat itself, even though i vowed it wouldn't. I AM IN CLASS AND I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION. suck it.

DOES ANYONE READ THIS? if you are reading this, please leave a comment. you don't have to give your name, just say "yah, i read it." i think you can even post an anonymous comment. i just want to know if anyone anywhere is reading this, because if they aren't, i might get rid of it in favor of other blogs. whatever.

this professor is the most boring man in the entire world. i have no idea what he's talking about. and i thought my geography class from last semester was bad. i'm almost wishing for gerlach at this point, at least he was entertaining. thank god today balances itself with rrrrrrristow. he has to be the most goodlooking man on campus, barr none. and he wears tight pants. i come to minne right after that class to sit and do homework, and he always walks in behind me because he has class in here at 2. so right after he goes past, my friend betsy walks up to talk to me. she is the one who told me to take the class, simply because he's so goodlooking. but anyway, all we can talk about are his pants and his *ahem* bulge. honestly, it's almost unprofessional. don't get me wrong, i'm not really complaining, it just makes it kind of hard to concentrate. plus, he's just such a snappy dresser, and his hair's so nice, and betsy always talks about his eyes........ i could go on, but i won't i may take a page alone on his booty. but whatever. the enjoyment of that class, and the fact that it is really interesting to me, i don't mind the subject matter, kind of negates the fact the my other two classes today are yarf-worthy. m/w/f is just a disaster all together. no little ray of sunshine there. which reminds me...
I SAW CHAD TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!
and by chad i mean professor israelson, the teacher i had for pre-civil war us history last year, which pretty much made me change my major to history. he smiled and waved, i said hello, it was good to see him again. i wish he was teaching my us history class this year. he was awesome. not that i don't like lindaman, but he doesn't teach the same way, and he looks too much like peyton manning for me to take him seriously.

alrgiht, my typing is drawing odd looks, i'm going to go and maybe pay attention.

at this point...

i haven't really posted in a while, but i've been doing a lot of writing on my own lately. just stupid stuff, nothing incredibly insightful or important. but anyway. i had a weird identity crisis monday night/tuesday morning. i seem to be having them more and more often lately. is multiple identitiy crisises (what the hell is the plural of that shit?) within relatively short periods of time healthy? if it isn't then i'm screwed. but anyway... things that i've been up to:
1. paying off a speeding ticket
2. buying a shit load of text books for a shit load of classes
3. studying like a mad woman
4. not getting enough sleep
5. skipping two meals a day on accident
oh man, that reminds me, i have a thing of honey nut cheerios in my backpack... mmm dinner!
6. not watching nearly as much tv as i used to (see number 3)
7. hating a lot of things and people
8. missing everyone from home, a few in particular that i got really used to having around
man these honey not cheerios are really hittin the spot
9. using sarcasm more than i should
10. going through crazy moments and cutting all my hair off
11. wishing i was an individual
12. eating a lot of cheerios. no, seriously.
13. wishing everyone else wasn't as stressed out and bogged down as i am so we could have fun like we used to, but if i go back to old patterns things will not be good.
14. i have to stop with these damn cheerios.
15. forcing myself to be offline sometimes. i need to learn to be unavailable.
16. actually paying attention in class, which may be why things seem so boring now
17. lusting. baaaaaaaaad juju
18. trying to find myself. this one isn't working out so well, but it's been in progress for like 3 years now. check back with me later.

let's hope for a repeat

Chorus
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.
Walter Payton
Well, they call me Sweetness,
And I like to dance.
Runnin' the ball is like makin' romance.
We've had the goal since training camp
To give Chicago a Super Bowl chance.
And we're not doin' this
Because we're greedy.
The Bears are doin' it to feed the needy.
We didn't come here to look for trouble,
We just came here to do
The Super Bowl Shuffle.
Willie Gault
This is Speedy Willie, and I'm world class.
I like runnin' but i love to get the pass.
I practice all day and dance all night,
I got to get ready for the Sunday fight.
Now I'm as smooth as a chocolate swirl,
I dance a little funky, so watch me girl.
There's not one here that does it like me,
My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free.
Mike Singletary
I'm Samurai Mike I stop'em cold.
Part of the defense, big and bold,
I've been jammin' for quite a while,
Doin' what's right and settin' the style,
Give me a chance, I'll rock you good,
Nobody messin' in my neighborhood.
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just came to do The Super Bowl Shuffle
(Repeat Chorus)
Jim McMahon
I'm the punky QB, known as McMahon.
When I hit the turf, I've got no plan.
I just throw my body all over the field.
I can't dance, but I can throw the pill.
I motivate the cats, I like to tease.
I play so cool, I aim to please.
That's why you all got here on the double
To catch me doin' the Super Bowl Shuffle.
Otis Wilson
I'm mama's boy Otis, one of a kind.
The ladies all love me
For my body and my mind.
I'm slick on the floor as I can be
But ain't no sucker gonna get past me.
Some guys are jealous
Of my style and class,
That's why some end up on their -,
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just get down to The Super Bowl Shuffle.
Steve Fuller
They say Jimbo is our man.
If Jimmy can't do it, I sure can.
This is Steve, and it's no wonder
I run like lightnin', pass like thunder.
So bring on Atlanta, bring on Dallas,
This is for Mike and Papa Bear Halas.
I'm not here to feather his ruffle,
I just came here to do
The Super Bowl Shuffle.
Mike Richardson
I'm L.A. Mike, and I play it cool.
They don't sneak by me 'cause I'm no fool.
I fly on the field and get on down.
Everybody knows I don't mess around.
I can break'em, shake'em,
Any time of day.
I like to steal it and make 'em pay,
So please don't cry to beat my hustle
'Cause I'm just here to do
The Super Bowl Shuffle.
(Repeat Chorus)
Richard Dent
The sackman's comin', I'm your man Dent.
if the quarterback's slow,
He's gonna get bent.
We stop the run, we stop the pass,
I like to dump guys on their -.
We love to play for the world's best fans,
You better start makin'
Your Super Bowl plans.
But don't get ready or go to any trouble
Unless you practice
The Super Bowl Shuffle.
Gary Fencik
It's Gary here, and I'm Mr.Clean.
They call me "hit man,"
Don't know what they mean.
They throw it long and watch me run,
I'm on my man, one-on-one.
Buddy's guys cover it down to the bone,
That's why they call us the 46 zone.
Come on everybody let's scream and yell,
We're goin' to do the Shuffle,
Then ring your bell.
William Perry
You're lookin' at the Fridge,
I'm the rookie.
I may be large, but I'm no dumb cookie.
You've seen me hit, you've seen me run,
When I get the pass, we'll have more fun.
I can dance, you will see
The others, they all learn from me.
I don't come here lookin' for trouble,
I just came here to do
The Super Bowl Shuffle.
(Repeat Chorus)